Anong pait ang matamis?
Anong tamis ang mapait?
Up Dharma Down
---------------------
Now a new year is dawning.
A thanks to Gaea for this gift.
What else is it?
Please, Cassandra, spare me from insanity.
My future shall nay be told.
Gift of the world, Chronos hath passed.
Eros, have rest. Let your siblings play.
Father of Time, hand it to me.
I am ready.
20081228
20081226
Shameless plug.
I've been trying to do motion graphics and stuff the past few terms. Well, here are some of them. Enjoy.
Hope to do more in 2009.
Decanodois/Nuclearpeso Profile
Toilet Personality OBB
Toilet Personality Trailer
Any requests. I'll try. :P
Hope to do more in 2009.
Decanodois/Nuclearpeso Profile
Toilet Personality OBB
Toilet Personality Trailer
Any requests. I'll try. :P
20081225
The Kaiser.
An emperor.
A king.
Crowned.
They leer.
There was an old man who held a yarn. The yarn came out of his mouth as it creates a ball inside his house. The house was made of yarn, and so were the furniture which was already thick enough to build the world's birds' home.
He then chokes and starts to weep as he coughed up blood along the yarn he was pulling from his mouth. The blood kept on crawling around the house made of yarn. He became dizzy and lifeless as it continued to rush on.
The house made of yarn was no more of its original color, but of crimson and maroon.
The man inside was forever trapped in the house made of yarn. Dizzy and lifeless, he cannot move an inch. Until his last breath, he realized that he never spoke anything as to why the yarn was there.
The answer was simple, he did not want anyone to have the burden of despair.
As his thoughts were through with him, he coughed up the yarn's end. What do you know, a needle, shining and sharpened.
A king.
Crowned.
They leer.
There was an old man who held a yarn. The yarn came out of his mouth as it creates a ball inside his house. The house was made of yarn, and so were the furniture which was already thick enough to build the world's birds' home.
He then chokes and starts to weep as he coughed up blood along the yarn he was pulling from his mouth. The blood kept on crawling around the house made of yarn. He became dizzy and lifeless as it continued to rush on.
The house made of yarn was no more of its original color, but of crimson and maroon.
The man inside was forever trapped in the house made of yarn. Dizzy and lifeless, he cannot move an inch. Until his last breath, he realized that he never spoke anything as to why the yarn was there.
The answer was simple, he did not want anyone to have the burden of despair.
As his thoughts were through with him, he coughed up the yarn's end. What do you know, a needle, shining and sharpened.
20081223
Rolling the dice.
No more apologies, for it was my fault.
I can't prioritize my relationship with the one I loved. I can't write anything to even clear out anything else. My mind is drowned with alcohol and sleepless nights. Top it off with dosages of paracetamol.
I can't say I want you back. Nor can I create any more words to sweeten up our days. I never did regret that you were one I loved, but I can't say that you are my all, for it only exists in song and a means of getting the girl closer.
I can't become the man you want to be. Though many would pork with stuff that would tell me that I should be able to change and adapt to my girl, I'm sorry, I can't. Pessimistic? No, inevitable.
I hope you find a guy greater than me, smarter than me, sweeter than me, better than me, more handsome than me, loving than me, just plain opposite me.
I apologize for rushing things. I guess it's just not our time yet.
People made me smile, but you always did make me happy. See you around.
...
I can't prioritize my relationship with the one I loved. I can't write anything to even clear out anything else. My mind is drowned with alcohol and sleepless nights. Top it off with dosages of paracetamol.
I can't say I want you back. Nor can I create any more words to sweeten up our days. I never did regret that you were one I loved, but I can't say that you are my all, for it only exists in song and a means of getting the girl closer.
I can't become the man you want to be. Though many would pork with stuff that would tell me that I should be able to change and adapt to my girl, I'm sorry, I can't. Pessimistic? No, inevitable.
I hope you find a guy greater than me, smarter than me, sweeter than me, better than me, more handsome than me, loving than me, just plain opposite me.
I apologize for rushing things. I guess it's just not our time yet.
People made me smile, but you always did make me happy. See you around.
...
20081221
Talking in tongues.
"Demy, I do not understand! You are talking in tongues!"
"You talk in riddles."
"Dumideep ka nanaman. Di ko gets!"
"Uhhh..."
"Errr.."
"..."
--------------------
Now, in hell, I admit this is a mistake I can live by.
A book I've read states that the wise never talk in tongues, but creates a sense of mystery and self-persevering knowledge.
I'm not claiming to be wise, for if I were such, I'd be floating cross-legged and humming words of wisdom. I'm just talking in tongues, creating room for another to think, provoking thoughts, creating diversions, proving nothing in the world of imagination is yours to keep.
I'm just explaining myself.
I'll talk in tongues, and I know others will, too. Why say this? Because only a few can understand my language.
"You talk in riddles."
"Dumideep ka nanaman. Di ko gets!"
"Uhhh..."
"Errr.."
"..."
--------------------
Now, in hell, I admit this is a mistake I can live by.
A book I've read states that the wise never talk in tongues, but creates a sense of mystery and self-persevering knowledge.
I'm not claiming to be wise, for if I were such, I'd be floating cross-legged and humming words of wisdom. I'm just talking in tongues, creating room for another to think, provoking thoughts, creating diversions, proving nothing in the world of imagination is yours to keep.
I'm just explaining myself.
I'll talk in tongues, and I know others will, too. Why say this? Because only a few can understand my language.
Dashing through the snow.
I wish I could dash in the snow, not in a one horse open sleigh, but on tennis rackets, scarves and boxers.
I just want to run away from everything this winter season. Besides the frequent sicknesses I get from everyday, which I try to ignore by taking vitamin C, mefenamic acid, paracetamol and antibiotics, I still get to enjoy my life a bit.
But I still want to run away from it all; life, death, emotion, insanity, midlight and yesterday. If I wasn't acrophobic, I wish I could fly and just see the bigger picture. Right now, I see small details that I make a big deal of. I'm getting confused between the adages, "Gold is in the details." and "The key is in the bigger picture."
No idea where to start.
Run, I say, run. You stop running, the wolves catch you. You don't stop, the winds will stop you.
Why this irony in life?
Take small steps, they say. Fuck it, I'm leaving.
Run, I say, run.
I just want to run away from everything this winter season. Besides the frequent sicknesses I get from everyday, which I try to ignore by taking vitamin C, mefenamic acid, paracetamol and antibiotics, I still get to enjoy my life a bit.
But I still want to run away from it all; life, death, emotion, insanity, midlight and yesterday. If I wasn't acrophobic, I wish I could fly and just see the bigger picture. Right now, I see small details that I make a big deal of. I'm getting confused between the adages, "Gold is in the details." and "The key is in the bigger picture."
No idea where to start.
Run, I say, run. You stop running, the wolves catch you. You don't stop, the winds will stop you.
Why this irony in life?
Take small steps, they say. Fuck it, I'm leaving.
Run, I say, run.
20081220
Ignorance and idiocy.
A kid knocks at my window begging for spare change.
His hands were muddy, his lips were chapped and bloody (probably from dehydration), his eyes were a bit yellow and his teeth were smaller than my nails. As he opened his mouth and about to beg, his ruffled hair caught my eye. This was what I highly noticed.
It was colored maroon.
How much did he pay for the dye? Was it enough for a meal or three? Wouldn't it be happier? Hadn't the song "Ako ay may lobo", which was a song about opportunity cost and trade off, teach them anything? I know that parents or grandparents often sing them to newborns at least once in their so-called damned lives.
There was also this one time a female mute was "singing" (I called it screaming) while bashing her tambourine. I was holding two bucks when a man was given the cardboard that read, "Palimos lang po... blah". He shouted, "She has a skull tattoo on her back, why should I give her anything?"
True enough, the skull tattoo was pretty big. That would cost around, I dunno, eight hundred to a thousand bucks or more? Heck, that's enough to last me for a week, (not counting transportation expenses for she hitched a free ride).
Anyway, what's the deal? I'd choose a meal over a game of pride most of the time. I must admit, I am an idiot most of the time when I get lured into games. But hell, these are nomads and homeless people for crying out loud. Why would they choose bodily vanity in a time of need?
Well, what now, kids? Hair dye or a meal?
His hands were muddy, his lips were chapped and bloody (probably from dehydration), his eyes were a bit yellow and his teeth were smaller than my nails. As he opened his mouth and about to beg, his ruffled hair caught my eye. This was what I highly noticed.
It was colored maroon.
How much did he pay for the dye? Was it enough for a meal or three? Wouldn't it be happier? Hadn't the song "Ako ay may lobo", which was a song about opportunity cost and trade off, teach them anything? I know that parents or grandparents often sing them to newborns at least once in their so-called damned lives.
There was also this one time a female mute was "singing" (I called it screaming) while bashing her tambourine. I was holding two bucks when a man was given the cardboard that read, "Palimos lang po... blah". He shouted, "She has a skull tattoo on her back, why should I give her anything?"
True enough, the skull tattoo was pretty big. That would cost around, I dunno, eight hundred to a thousand bucks or more? Heck, that's enough to last me for a week, (not counting transportation expenses for she hitched a free ride).
Anyway, what's the deal? I'd choose a meal over a game of pride most of the time. I must admit, I am an idiot most of the time when I get lured into games. But hell, these are nomads and homeless people for crying out loud. Why would they choose bodily vanity in a time of need?
Well, what now, kids? Hair dye or a meal?
20081218
20081217
If I Apologized
If I apologized
it wouldn't make it all unhappen
wouldn't make the darkness go away
If I apologized
it wouldn't mean I was forgiven
wouldn't mean you wanted me to stay
But
it's a dream
when you seem
to be walking into the sun
we're on first
unrehearsed
and we still don't know what we've done
so we don't say anything.
If I apologized
I don't suppose you'd even notice
even though I'd whisper it inside
If I apologized
we could be the perfect couple
Well we could, but only in my mind
but
if you ask
for the mask
then we're stumbling on through the dark
But we wait
it's too late
And we only had to be asked
so we don't say anything.
It couldn't hurt to try it
It couldn't hurt too much to try
It's there beyond the quiet
it couldn't hurt too much to fly...
Performed by Josephine Cronholm
Written by Neil Gaiman
Composed by Iain Ballamy
20081214
A few more.
Let me live, just a few more days and the joy of pain will become the pain of joy.
Make it happen!
Make it happen!
20081210
I frickin' need a real doctor.
My body's been acting up for 3 years now.
It still won't stop.
Ever since Grade 4, I've been barfing a lot.
Ever since then, I've been having headaches.
Ever since then, I've hidden it to many.
Now, I don't know. I'm on the verge of sleeping temporarily or permanently. Emo mode. But seriously, my body's getting weak.
Exercise? Time please.
I need a doctor.
It still won't stop.
Ever since Grade 4, I've been barfing a lot.
Ever since then, I've been having headaches.
Ever since then, I've hidden it to many.
Now, I don't know. I'm on the verge of sleeping temporarily or permanently. Emo mode. But seriously, my body's getting weak.
Exercise? Time please.
I need a doctor.
20081208
20081205
Wo0t.
What I am now is what I'll try not to be later.
Fuckin' lazy.
---------------
Today, I woke up with my sister asking me if we were going to go to school together. I said, "Go ahead."
The next minute, my dad kicked my bed and started shouting at me, asking what time I was going to school, asking for my sched. When I told him I'm not going to my first class, though he forgot that I had a second class, he just said "Don't have any class? Don't get out of this house!"
Now, after this, two teardrops swam downwards the atmosphere of anger and frustration.
What now? I'd kill a thousand sheep for my father if it'd make him proud. Or whatever. I'm no good of a son, nor am I any good of a friend.
Fuck this.
Fuckin' lazy.
---------------
Today, I woke up with my sister asking me if we were going to go to school together. I said, "Go ahead."
The next minute, my dad kicked my bed and started shouting at me, asking what time I was going to school, asking for my sched. When I told him I'm not going to my first class, though he forgot that I had a second class, he just said "Don't have any class? Don't get out of this house!"
Now, after this, two teardrops swam downwards the atmosphere of anger and frustration.
What now? I'd kill a thousand sheep for my father if it'd make him proud. Or whatever. I'm no good of a son, nor am I any good of a friend.
Fuck this.
Dirty shoes and disgraceful minds
Your shoes are dirty. Please go home and change it.
-------------
My dad always told me that people with dirty shoes are hard to trust and are people who are stupid and ignorant. It reflects a person's personality and ethics. After that, I got really worried with getting my shoes dirty.
That was 8 years ago.
Everyday, I try to figure out why my shoes always get dirty when I just walk. Today, getting down from the cab, my shoes were in tip top black color. After walking 3 minutes to my school, my shoes were dripped with mud and the front curve of my shoe is as dark as brown choco.
This made me think, that whatever I do to make my walk just plain subtle makes it even more dirtier. This makes reality seem so sad for me. So, I guess I'm a person who is hard to trust, stupid and ignorant.
To my father, sorry if I have failed you everyday. Every fucking day. Sorry if I can't live up to the standards of knotting my tie, creating a formal sense in my wear, knowing what the differences are of the different spoons and forks on a dining table, having super cleaning habits as good as yours, creating connections like you could, taking care of my things. It's just this, I just can't. I observe my every move and I see that the more I take care of every thing makes it even more shabby and crooked.
I apologize.
I'll try doing it again and again until I make you proud.
-------------
My dad always told me that people with dirty shoes are hard to trust and are people who are stupid and ignorant. It reflects a person's personality and ethics. After that, I got really worried with getting my shoes dirty.
That was 8 years ago.
Everyday, I try to figure out why my shoes always get dirty when I just walk. Today, getting down from the cab, my shoes were in tip top black color. After walking 3 minutes to my school, my shoes were dripped with mud and the front curve of my shoe is as dark as brown choco.
This made me think, that whatever I do to make my walk just plain subtle makes it even more dirtier. This makes reality seem so sad for me. So, I guess I'm a person who is hard to trust, stupid and ignorant.
To my father, sorry if I have failed you everyday. Every fucking day. Sorry if I can't live up to the standards of knotting my tie, creating a formal sense in my wear, knowing what the differences are of the different spoons and forks on a dining table, having super cleaning habits as good as yours, creating connections like you could, taking care of my things. It's just this, I just can't. I observe my every move and I see that the more I take care of every thing makes it even more shabby and crooked.
I apologize.
I'll try doing it again and again until I make you proud.
20081129
The difference.
Is that I am a no one in this insane world of reality.
This is why I keep going back to my fantasy. My dreams. My own reality. I can become a superhero, a rock star, and be someone who is understood by a lot. To them I am just another extra in the background with nothing special. Been that way since Grade 1, so it's no big deal. You can't please everyone, and I'm not the charismatic type, so why bother.
I'll just stay in my own reality. Everyone'd be grateful. Here I am again with the drama that will launch a thousand back stabs.
Well, I try to make myself feel confident. I guess it's just the way I was labeled.
So much for labels and so much for my personality development. Whatever.
--------------------
Then I realized that there will come a time wherein even your closest brothers will never talk to you in the future.
Guess I was worthless all along, no matter what they tell me.
Back to square one. New year's coming. Will there be a change? Guess I'll create a year that will make this feeling disappear. And fucking change my attitude and stuff. If ever that will happen.
I'll just stop pretending that everything is happy. That is if I can do that, too.
What the fuck did I just say.
This is why I keep going back to my fantasy. My dreams. My own reality. I can become a superhero, a rock star, and be someone who is understood by a lot. To them I am just another extra in the background with nothing special. Been that way since Grade 1, so it's no big deal. You can't please everyone, and I'm not the charismatic type, so why bother.
I'll just stay in my own reality. Everyone'd be grateful. Here I am again with the drama that will launch a thousand back stabs.
Well, I try to make myself feel confident. I guess it's just the way I was labeled.
So much for labels and so much for my personality development. Whatever.
--------------------
Then I realized that there will come a time wherein even your closest brothers will never talk to you in the future.
Guess I was worthless all along, no matter what they tell me.
Back to square one. New year's coming. Will there be a change? Guess I'll create a year that will make this feeling disappear. And fucking change my attitude and stuff. If ever that will happen.
I'll just stop pretending that everything is happy. That is if I can do that, too.
What the fuck did I just say.
Moving towards an end.
I don't know why or what's happening, but I'm seeing signs that talks of "The End".
Let's just see the rolling credits then. I'll see you soon.
Let's just see the rolling credits then. I'll see you soon.
20081127
20081126
Hungry for mercy.
Somebody please, get me out of this insanity. Again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
I crave for mercy.
My mind is still being tenderized by hammers, chainsaws, needles and sickos.
I crave for mercy.
And again.
And again.
And again.
I crave for mercy.
My mind is still being tenderized by hammers, chainsaws, needles and sickos.
I crave for mercy.
Silent all the way.
I thought today will open me up with new surprises. Sadly, it did.
Usually, I'd be with the same crowd thinking with them, being silent with them, and sometimes talking with them (or you). Then it happened, the biggest differences I could see.
I'd be in the 3D room with a friend and be silent all the way. I'd be eating alone and be silent all the way. I'd be walking in the streets, looking down, losing hope and be silent all the way. I'd be drafting the night away and be silent all the way.
That was the plan. Everything was so perfect.
Until you hugged me and kissed me. Why must you. I felt like the balance I was creating suddenly fell apart.
Now I was walking, silent all the way, wanting to hurt and destroy everything on the way.
Why must you. I love you. You changed the way my path has been created. I love you. But still, I'll be silent all the way.
Tonight, a number is added to my title. I am the 4-day alcoholic.
Usually, I'd be with the same crowd thinking with them, being silent with them, and sometimes talking with them (or you). Then it happened, the biggest differences I could see.
I'd be in the 3D room with a friend and be silent all the way. I'd be eating alone and be silent all the way. I'd be walking in the streets, looking down, losing hope and be silent all the way. I'd be drafting the night away and be silent all the way.
That was the plan. Everything was so perfect.
Until you hugged me and kissed me. Why must you. I felt like the balance I was creating suddenly fell apart.
Now I was walking, silent all the way, wanting to hurt and destroy everything on the way.
Why must you. I love you. You changed the way my path has been created. I love you. But still, I'll be silent all the way.
Tonight, a number is added to my title. I am the 4-day alcoholic.
20081125
Irritation and fucked up nonsense.
The dreams just keep coming back and they're still making me conscious of my every move. It's like I'm sweating nonstop every time I put my foot down.
Then I noticed most of my friends looking at me in a very weird manner. And how they treat me. I have no idea if it's just me, or if it's really that people are getting irritated at me. Sorry, then. Give me patience.
The dreams I kept having were that thousands of people were in front of me, talking about me. Every word they whisper contained my name. Searching for a familiar face, I saw that most of them were the closest people I knew. I was getting dizzy, a heavy feeling, then a flash of black while a voice of a girl calls my name. I woke up gaping for breath.
I feel like suddenly, I'm irritating someone, or everyone. After that dream, people seem unbelievably out of sync with what I was saying. So now and then, I ask people if I irritate them. They'd say no, and ask why I'd ask, but it seems so... false.
Well, one would argue to take it as it is. So I would. And I'd just shut my friggin', goddamned trap.
Then I noticed most of my friends looking at me in a very weird manner. And how they treat me. I have no idea if it's just me, or if it's really that people are getting irritated at me. Sorry, then. Give me patience.
The dreams I kept having were that thousands of people were in front of me, talking about me. Every word they whisper contained my name. Searching for a familiar face, I saw that most of them were the closest people I knew. I was getting dizzy, a heavy feeling, then a flash of black while a voice of a girl calls my name. I woke up gaping for breath.
I feel like suddenly, I'm irritating someone, or everyone. After that dream, people seem unbelievably out of sync with what I was saying. So now and then, I ask people if I irritate them. They'd say no, and ask why I'd ask, but it seems so... false.
Well, one would argue to take it as it is. So I would. And I'd just shut my friggin', goddamned trap.
20081124
Besides all the pretentiousness.
I have no idea.
Bragging, boasting, creating a diversion or what-the-heck you'd call it, people are telling me that I am too deep, too hard to even understand. I thought that it was just me being plain random slash shallow, but what am I now since no one can understand me? That even my loved ones are afraid of me?
Maybe it's that I can't understand people.
It suddenly seemed too odd that they believe that they are the remedy to others but they just superimpose advices then take on the role and say that they are the greatest advice-givers that the world has even donned on its surface.
Truth be told, I was never an advice-giver, but an opinion-stater or whatever job may that be called. But they have no right to say what they fuckin' are for what they aren't.
Going back, I was called deep, while I thought I was shallow. Why can't they just say it forward? I'm weird. My mind is weird. I can't take it as a compliment. I want people to understand what I mean. But sadly, this world ain't my niche.
When will people open their eyes to the truth that what we are moving in is the creation of minds stupid enough to create moderated standards of weird, random, un-applicable or unacceptable?
I don't want to fight the battle of the normals and the weirdos. It's too tiring to make a stance on the backstabbing assholes that I am a different person when I can't believe it myself. I have to face it.
They are false objects. So what if I'm deep? Just open your minds and perceive what you can. What one thinks doesn't really matter if you have a different pair of eyes. Well, unless interested anyway.
Bragging, boasting, creating a diversion or what-the-heck you'd call it, people are telling me that I am too deep, too hard to even understand. I thought that it was just me being plain random slash shallow, but what am I now since no one can understand me? That even my loved ones are afraid of me?
Maybe it's that I can't understand people.
It suddenly seemed too odd that they believe that they are the remedy to others but they just superimpose advices then take on the role and say that they are the greatest advice-givers that the world has even donned on its surface.
Truth be told, I was never an advice-giver, but an opinion-stater or whatever job may that be called. But they have no right to say what they fuckin' are for what they aren't.
Going back, I was called deep, while I thought I was shallow. Why can't they just say it forward? I'm weird. My mind is weird. I can't take it as a compliment. I want people to understand what I mean. But sadly, this world ain't my niche.
When will people open their eyes to the truth that what we are moving in is the creation of minds stupid enough to create moderated standards of weird, random, un-applicable or unacceptable?
I don't want to fight the battle of the normals and the weirdos. It's too tiring to make a stance on the backstabbing assholes that I am a different person when I can't believe it myself. I have to face it.
They are false objects. So what if I'm deep? Just open your minds and perceive what you can. What one thinks doesn't really matter if you have a different pair of eyes. Well, unless interested anyway.
20081121
Glowing
My heart is glowing.
My mind is burning.
My retina is bleeding.
My spine is breaking.
But my heart is glowing.
I need an orthopedic mattress.
My mind is burning.
My retina is bleeding.
My spine is breaking.
But my heart is glowing.
I need an orthopedic mattress.
20081120
Seems like an exchange is in order.
Nao I havv know aydhea eef re-grett ace inn migh hed.
Nao, ay 'em big ginning to eet migh whurds.
Eef watt ay ex-chainjd fore ace jazzt theyking mee fore grunted, ay mayt ass whale foregit eat. Ay meen watts duh sence eef ay houghld own too sum theen' eef eat wood jazzt kasst mee owt?
Bool sheet.
Ay eve and thot ovv heam ass migh bra there.
One durh eef hee tinks tha saym. Whale, tseers two hue, bra. Ay'll bee own migh weigh.
Nao, ay 'em big ginning to eet migh whurds.
Eef watt ay ex-chainjd fore ace jazzt theyking mee fore grunted, ay mayt ass whale foregit eat. Ay meen watts duh sence eef ay houghld own too sum theen' eef eat wood jazzt kasst mee owt?
Bool sheet.
Ay eve and thot ovv heam ass migh bra there.
One durh eef hee tinks tha saym. Whale, tseers two hue, bra. Ay'll bee own migh weigh.
20081118
Distorted, decaying and desaturated Dorothy
"Follow the yellow brick road."
------------
Sensibilities and dilemmas. Suddenly, I feel like I am a new man with only a few words delivered by someone who saw what he was not supposed to see in the first place. And what should never have been in the first place.
What I can never even believe was that he actually admired what he saw. Well, I'd want to believe that it was sincere, and he is one of the few people I know who would appreciate such, but I never thought he could look at it as... that.
And some inspirational words:
"Don't be scared of judgment."
I become mainstream because I am too afraid of criticisms, judgments and everything else in between. I've been doing everything to please an eye or two.
I need a new drive.
Vague? No one's meant to understand what my mind would speak of.
-------
Roel, you son of a bitch, thanks.
------------
Sensibilities and dilemmas. Suddenly, I feel like I am a new man with only a few words delivered by someone who saw what he was not supposed to see in the first place. And what should never have been in the first place.
What I can never even believe was that he actually admired what he saw. Well, I'd want to believe that it was sincere, and he is one of the few people I know who would appreciate such, but I never thought he could look at it as... that.
And some inspirational words:
"Don't be scared of judgment."
I become mainstream because I am too afraid of criticisms, judgments and everything else in between. I've been doing everything to please an eye or two.
I need a new drive.
Vague? No one's meant to understand what my mind would speak of.
-------
Roel, you son of a bitch, thanks.
20081116
Creating chaos in such a serene circus
Everything seemed to be as calm as the stars who were silently moving through the universal breeze on their own orbits.
Now my mind is trying to hurt me more and more.
Domino effect.
I create chaos in such a serene circus.
Now my mind is trying to hurt me more and more.
Domino effect.
I create chaos in such a serene circus.
20081114
Oar oar?
The ambiance is taking me in.
Too much for my head to revoke.
It's taking me in.
It's taking me in.
And here I am now pilfering Wi-Fi signals from another store.
This'll be happy.
Too much for my head to revoke.
It's taking me in.
It's taking me in.
And here I am now pilfering Wi-Fi signals from another store.
This'll be happy.
20081105
Exhilarating
–verb (used with object), -rat⋅ed, -rat ing.
1. to enliven; invigorate; stimulate: The cold weather exhilarated the walkers.
2. to make cheerful or merry.
----------
So, this is what I lack today.
Looking at the sunset alone made me think of death again. Realizing what pain there was in a different reality that only I can ever know of, it began to sink in me that the reality I am in now is just plain stupid. In short, I'd rather be in the different reality in my mind where others would call it fantasy.
Why is it that when one walks, people who walk by you with eye to eye contact seem to make you remember what was in the past. What was it in reminiscing that made me think of my asshole-like past.
Now, my mind's a haze.
Come hither, damnation.
1. to enliven; invigorate; stimulate: The cold weather exhilarated the walkers.
2. to make cheerful or merry.
----------
So, this is what I lack today.
Looking at the sunset alone made me think of death again. Realizing what pain there was in a different reality that only I can ever know of, it began to sink in me that the reality I am in now is just plain stupid. In short, I'd rather be in the different reality in my mind where others would call it fantasy.
Why is it that when one walks, people who walk by you with eye to eye contact seem to make you remember what was in the past. What was it in reminiscing that made me think of my asshole-like past.
Now, my mind's a haze.
Come hither, damnation.
20081104
O Christmas tree
Wishlist time.
I just hope that fate will give me these. If not, the last wish, at least. Everything else will follow.
iMac (Octocore) (Roel, you don't loathe them. You don't)
Final Cut Pro 2
A Mini-DV camera (Canon XL1/any DV camera with manual settings)
Tenorio Leathers - The Minimal Monk (I blame Yuggy for showing me these)
PS3
Rock Band 2 Set (CD Included)
Lots of art books (Photography, Post-production, Motion Design or Graphic Design)
A job (specifically, a video editing/compositing/titling job)
Well, that's that.
Too much to wish for? Well, what's a wish anyway but a prayer. Just like world peace.
I just hope that fate will give me these. If not, the last wish, at least. Everything else will follow.
iMac (Octocore) (Roel, you don't loathe them. You don't)
Final Cut Pro 2
A Mini-DV camera (Canon XL1/any DV camera with manual settings)
Tenorio Leathers - The Minimal Monk (I blame Yuggy for showing me these)
PS3
Rock Band 2 Set (CD Included)
Lots of art books (Photography, Post-production, Motion Design or Graphic Design)
A job (specifically, a video editing/compositing/titling job)
Well, that's that.
Too much to wish for? Well, what's a wish anyway but a prayer. Just like world peace.
20081103
Celebrities outside the idiot box
Popularity. I'm one to speak about it, no?
On my way to school, a bus or an FX ride, I pass by Espana* road and see that there are nursing review centers everywhere. Of course, it has now become a popularity contest, in my opinion, because of the posted pictures as a part of their advertising. It's like a movie gone wrong.
Anyway, I know what goes on inside a review center for my uncle already gave me a lesson on nursing board exams. Which is weird 'cause I was just there randomly listening to what it was about. Anyway, my point is that he needed no face to show to the public, but his credibility was exuberant enough. One to study Medicine and Nursing, he was one hell of a guy.
I don't really know what the purpose is putting your face in what profession you are in. You are selling your service, not yourself. Except for models and actors whose faces are included in the services they offer. But then again, it just becomes a race to who is more credible... or is it? I entered college review centers without knowing the faces of the mentors there. And I still gave them my trust.
Anyway, if the faces of the facilitators are up there in the ads, would it give me more reason to trust these guys? You'd have first impressions, first. In one ad, there was this nurse with a red afro. Another, a guy sitting with a really white face. The other, a movie poster of a horror film wherein all the faces are put together in a line and the title looking like it was superimposed.
These ads say that they've got a 99.5% passing rate. Kind of like a soap ad, if you ask me.
On my way to school, a bus or an FX ride, I pass by Espana* road and see that there are nursing review centers everywhere. Of course, it has now become a popularity contest, in my opinion, because of the posted pictures as a part of their advertising. It's like a movie gone wrong.
Anyway, I know what goes on inside a review center for my uncle already gave me a lesson on nursing board exams. Which is weird 'cause I was just there randomly listening to what it was about. Anyway, my point is that he needed no face to show to the public, but his credibility was exuberant enough. One to study Medicine and Nursing, he was one hell of a guy.
I don't really know what the purpose is putting your face in what profession you are in. You are selling your service, not yourself. Except for models and actors whose faces are included in the services they offer. But then again, it just becomes a race to who is more credible... or is it? I entered college review centers without knowing the faces of the mentors there. And I still gave them my trust.
Anyway, if the faces of the facilitators are up there in the ads, would it give me more reason to trust these guys? You'd have first impressions, first. In one ad, there was this nurse with a red afro. Another, a guy sitting with a really white face. The other, a movie poster of a horror film wherein all the faces are put together in a line and the title looking like it was superimposed.
These ads say that they've got a 99.5% passing rate. Kind of like a soap ad, if you ask me.
20081014
The shitmobile is running again.
Now what.
Thinking of how everything would be just fine meant expecting everyone to think the same way you do. Apparently, it just doesn't work that way, which just sucks.
This day gave me a lot to think about on how to go on with my life in where I am now. A fuckin' hell-hole they all call college. Basically, the old'uns told us that once you get out of college, you can get through life in a breeze.
Well, hello then.
So, just like in any typical screenplay story, I have goals yet there are hindrances. And there's no better story than to have more hindrances and make them twisty and all cool. In real life, these hindrances make you feel uneasy, irritated, or worse, angered.
And most of the time, these hindrances are, what a surprise, your family members and your friends. Experiencing at least four evident hindrances are booming in my face. Uncertain of what to do, I release frustration in school or any other medium I could get my hands on. Sometimes, even tripping on another person. It's sick, but it's life.
Now that the shitmobile is running again, I have to stop it before it spreads the usual shit in the neighborhood. So hello sunshine, let's blow up that quickie.
Thinking of how everything would be just fine meant expecting everyone to think the same way you do. Apparently, it just doesn't work that way, which just sucks.
This day gave me a lot to think about on how to go on with my life in where I am now. A fuckin' hell-hole they all call college. Basically, the old'uns told us that once you get out of college, you can get through life in a breeze.
Well, hello then.
So, just like in any typical screenplay story, I have goals yet there are hindrances. And there's no better story than to have more hindrances and make them twisty and all cool. In real life, these hindrances make you feel uneasy, irritated, or worse, angered.
And most of the time, these hindrances are, what a surprise, your family members and your friends. Experiencing at least four evident hindrances are booming in my face. Uncertain of what to do, I release frustration in school or any other medium I could get my hands on. Sometimes, even tripping on another person. It's sick, but it's life.
Now that the shitmobile is running again, I have to stop it before it spreads the usual shit in the neighborhood. So hello sunshine, let's blow up that quickie.
20081005
20081003
20081002
Of Ill Fate and Shoulder Taps
Last Tuesday, I went to school to claim something. Somehow, I was clumsier than usual.
I was tapped on the shoulder three times due to my clumsiness by three different people. One told me my bag was opened. Another gave me back my camo cap. Finally, another gave me my change from the FX when I was already about to leave.
It was kind of weird how it all came up as such and they all tapped the right shoulder with one finger. How could they all do the same thing without trying to get stuff from me? Maybe it was because those things weren't that valuable. Though my bag contained everything that I needed to survive life, one man just told me my bag was opened. When I looked at it, my wallet was an easy steal.
Well, three taps on the shoulder should mean something. Or maybe it's just the over-analytic me?
Hell, I dunno. But I'm learning from the damn ass mistakes that's been happening recently.
Now, besides the clumsiness capella, what's up with the other stars?
Every little thing suddenly came anew with redundancy checks and errors. What was it with these constant constipations that keeps on happening when here comes updates from an old server?
I'm not getting what I'm writing. It's basically thinking something yet trying hard to put it in words not really used to express what I'm trying to express. You follow?
I don't.
I was tapped on the shoulder three times due to my clumsiness by three different people. One told me my bag was opened. Another gave me back my camo cap. Finally, another gave me my change from the FX when I was already about to leave.
It was kind of weird how it all came up as such and they all tapped the right shoulder with one finger. How could they all do the same thing without trying to get stuff from me? Maybe it was because those things weren't that valuable. Though my bag contained everything that I needed to survive life, one man just told me my bag was opened. When I looked at it, my wallet was an easy steal.
Well, three taps on the shoulder should mean something. Or maybe it's just the over-analytic me?
Hell, I dunno. But I'm learning from the damn ass mistakes that's been happening recently.
Now, besides the clumsiness capella, what's up with the other stars?
Every little thing suddenly came anew with redundancy checks and errors. What was it with these constant constipations that keeps on happening when here comes updates from an old server?
I'm not getting what I'm writing. It's basically thinking something yet trying hard to put it in words not really used to express what I'm trying to express. You follow?
I don't.
20080918
What lies underneath the eyes
In humans, of course, is a brain.
It has been said that eyes are the window of a human's soul. True enough, even what one thinks.
Today I've met almost a hundred pair of eyes. Some eyes read "I love you", some read "I wish I could have that". Of course, some read, "Here's the bug again" and some even read, "Screw you."
Of course, these are assumptions and these eyes are eyes that I learn from. For their eyes are also their windows to see the outside world. But underneath it, one must be aware, is a brain which can convey tons of emotions, usually labeled with different things. One could be envy, one could be passion. Excitement, anger, superiority complex, or even a barrier.
Technically, an eye to eye is a window to window, expression to expression, thought to thought, face to face. It can sometimes communicate thrice the rate of transferring songs to an iPod.
What's my point? Eyes are there, in a person's face, and it's already too obvious to see if anything's wrong or not, if these people are true or no, if they are really glad or just playing stupid. One could even tell who are those that lie and those that are just forced to lie. It's a skill that one should equip for it helps weigh your choices of joining or neglecting certain people.
A person's eyes tells a lot. Even the blind men have these windows, sometimes even more that seeing another's eyes, but using the other senses to see what the other eyes are passing around.
It's just something hard enough to even think about and to assume. I've met people this day that had the eyes that read "Go away, numbskull." Hey, sometimes, it's better to just tell someone off if you don't want them there. Or else, they might just irritate and insult you more with how your eyes do tricks on their own, like roll over.
So, for whatever reason, I won't tell you to take care of your eyes, but take care of what you think and have a mind open as a book. Of course, this superimposition is nothing more than a mere "eh-I-know-that-statement-so-what-the-fuck statements".
So careful of your eyes. It can do a lot than just see things.
It has been said that eyes are the window of a human's soul. True enough, even what one thinks.
Today I've met almost a hundred pair of eyes. Some eyes read "I love you", some read "I wish I could have that". Of course, some read, "Here's the bug again" and some even read, "Screw you."
Of course, these are assumptions and these eyes are eyes that I learn from. For their eyes are also their windows to see the outside world. But underneath it, one must be aware, is a brain which can convey tons of emotions, usually labeled with different things. One could be envy, one could be passion. Excitement, anger, superiority complex, or even a barrier.
Technically, an eye to eye is a window to window, expression to expression, thought to thought, face to face. It can sometimes communicate thrice the rate of transferring songs to an iPod.
What's my point? Eyes are there, in a person's face, and it's already too obvious to see if anything's wrong or not, if these people are true or no, if they are really glad or just playing stupid. One could even tell who are those that lie and those that are just forced to lie. It's a skill that one should equip for it helps weigh your choices of joining or neglecting certain people.
A person's eyes tells a lot. Even the blind men have these windows, sometimes even more that seeing another's eyes, but using the other senses to see what the other eyes are passing around.
It's just something hard enough to even think about and to assume. I've met people this day that had the eyes that read "Go away, numbskull." Hey, sometimes, it's better to just tell someone off if you don't want them there. Or else, they might just irritate and insult you more with how your eyes do tricks on their own, like roll over.
So, for whatever reason, I won't tell you to take care of your eyes, but take care of what you think and have a mind open as a book. Of course, this superimposition is nothing more than a mere "eh-I-know-that-statement-so-what-the-fuck statements".
So careful of your eyes. It can do a lot than just see things.
20080912
Crying to the blue corn moon
What's with the blue corn moon? Ask the American Indians, they'll tell you that moon means month and that blue corn moon was derived from a line in an Indian love poem, "in a moon of green corn." Don't get it? Just ask Pocahontas.
Then we get to what I define it. In the lyrics of the song "Colors of the Wind", it asks "Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?". What does it imply?
A wolf cries to the month? Specifically a month of harvest? Does it weep for its goodbye or does it cry for it to come? Who is the wolf? What may it symbolize? Who/what is the blue corn moon?
Let's put it in my context (of course, this may seem that I am a selfish asshole). What if I was the wolf, what would I be crying out for? A season or the good harvest? What could good harvest be. Luck? Grace? Blessings?
Those what I can cry for? Of course, everyday I cry for something. I cry for an iMac, softwares, books, money, etc. Of course, that's the "moon of the green corn" for me. But of course, to seem un-materialistic, what else do I cry for?
It's basically to take off the disturbances in my head, too much hindrances in being content, making myself irrational and completing thoughts and actions with "labels of's". Basically to nourish my skill and delight in most of my interests. Input blahs here.
So basically, what does the wolf cry to the blue corn moon for?
Maybe it just cries for a thank you. Or a call for something.
So now, I cry for the blue corn moon. Why? A thank you for everything. Thank you for the good harvest, for me, meaning the good days.
Cheers.
Then we get to what I define it. In the lyrics of the song "Colors of the Wind", it asks "Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?". What does it imply?
A wolf cries to the month? Specifically a month of harvest? Does it weep for its goodbye or does it cry for it to come? Who is the wolf? What may it symbolize? Who/what is the blue corn moon?
Let's put it in my context (of course, this may seem that I am a selfish asshole). What if I was the wolf, what would I be crying out for? A season or the good harvest? What could good harvest be. Luck? Grace? Blessings?
Those what I can cry for? Of course, everyday I cry for something. I cry for an iMac, softwares, books, money, etc. Of course, that's the "moon of the green corn" for me. But of course, to seem un-materialistic, what else do I cry for?
It's basically to take off the disturbances in my head, too much hindrances in being content, making myself irrational and completing thoughts and actions with "labels of's". Basically to nourish my skill and delight in most of my interests. Input blahs here.
So basically, what does the wolf cry to the blue corn moon for?
Maybe it just cries for a thank you. Or a call for something.
So now, I cry for the blue corn moon. Why? A thank you for everything. Thank you for the good harvest, for me, meaning the good days.
Cheers.
What I will never find out
There are factors in this world which are inevitable to control, even when you have the power to grasp air or water.
It's the fact of how a human mind works. It just goes in paths that can be made through sheer imagination or footsteps that will be followed. Of course, neglected paths can never be revisited. As a white rapper tells y'all, "Do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo."
As if everything was hard enough to be pressured by a statement of such, it's kind of hard to understand why everything turns out wrong even though your mind sets it to right.
Basically, I am a person who has a mindset of having a mistake margin huge enough to open all possible outcomes of outputs of each of my outtakes. And yet those who succeed are those who have a mistake margin small enough, carefully taking measurements, calculations and such.
Of course, the huge margin doesn't really apply to every angle of all my possible viewpoints. One thing is that I'm scared to pull the trigger when there is a target sitting right in front of me, looking maybe for police officers or other people that I might hit, disturbances in missing the shot, hindrances in completing the goal. These things make me afraid to fail. Then again, I am afraid to even be afraid. So it all comes back to me not even bringing out my gun at all. In other words, though opportunities come and go, it's hard to grasp hold of it and getting into it before it goes away.
So why the inevitability? The inevitable thing that opportunities do come and go and it's up to you to quickly take it or measure it a.k.a. letting the opportunity go because of the over-measurement.
So here's the punchline and finale: I can't practice what I preach.
It's the fact of how a human mind works. It just goes in paths that can be made through sheer imagination or footsteps that will be followed. Of course, neglected paths can never be revisited. As a white rapper tells y'all, "Do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo."
As if everything was hard enough to be pressured by a statement of such, it's kind of hard to understand why everything turns out wrong even though your mind sets it to right.
Basically, I am a person who has a mindset of having a mistake margin huge enough to open all possible outcomes of outputs of each of my outtakes. And yet those who succeed are those who have a mistake margin small enough, carefully taking measurements, calculations and such.
Of course, the huge margin doesn't really apply to every angle of all my possible viewpoints. One thing is that I'm scared to pull the trigger when there is a target sitting right in front of me, looking maybe for police officers or other people that I might hit, disturbances in missing the shot, hindrances in completing the goal. These things make me afraid to fail. Then again, I am afraid to even be afraid. So it all comes back to me not even bringing out my gun at all. In other words, though opportunities come and go, it's hard to grasp hold of it and getting into it before it goes away.
So why the inevitability? The inevitable thing that opportunities do come and go and it's up to you to quickly take it or measure it a.k.a. letting the opportunity go because of the over-measurement.
So here's the punchline and finale: I can't practice what I preach.
20080825
Modern failures
Failing in your favorite subjects in school is one thing I am pretty damn right good at.
I really don't know why this happens, but every time I get into my favorite subjects, I tend to fail them. The reason? I'm still looking for it.
I mean, I do know I'm wrong in that sense, and I can't really say I'm neglecting them since I try to help out others first about the subject, but I don't help myself out. So that's what happened, I let others go first before me. I guess I'm too much of a nice guy. So should I change it?
As they said, nice guys finish last.
And voila, the nice guy drops another subject.
At least I get to be more focused next term because of things that will happen. Murphy's law all over again, eh? What's bound to happen will happen. What can go wrong will go wrong.
Why not try out Machiavelli's Principle instead? I don't know, maybe it's because I want to try out the things I want to try out rather than look for replacements or whatever alternative means there is that can be justified by the end.
Can't really say, even when I'm the one who observes my mind, I believe it works in weird ways.
I really don't know why this happens, but every time I get into my favorite subjects, I tend to fail them. The reason? I'm still looking for it.
I mean, I do know I'm wrong in that sense, and I can't really say I'm neglecting them since I try to help out others first about the subject, but I don't help myself out. So that's what happened, I let others go first before me. I guess I'm too much of a nice guy. So should I change it?
As they said, nice guys finish last.
And voila, the nice guy drops another subject.
At least I get to be more focused next term because of things that will happen. Murphy's law all over again, eh? What's bound to happen will happen. What can go wrong will go wrong.
Why not try out Machiavelli's Principle instead? I don't know, maybe it's because I want to try out the things I want to try out rather than look for replacements or whatever alternative means there is that can be justified by the end.
Can't really say, even when I'm the one who observes my mind, I believe it works in weird ways.
20080819
The day of the dailies
Today was fun, yet it was incomplete.
Though I did have a great time being in Dave's shoot, (thanks bro!), I couldn't think of anything else but my girl and my friends.
There was like 7 minutes being with Numas people, then they went off.
There was 15 minutes total of being with DV2, and though they invited me to have a drink or two, I refused. Thanks for the invite though, hope there's a next time.
Then there was like no contact with my girl the whole day. Fuck. Forgive me, miss.
So, here I am, contemplating on what will happen the next day for I will still be running around doing stuff.
And I friggin', fuckin' miss you, miss!
Though I did have a great time being in Dave's shoot, (thanks bro!), I couldn't think of anything else but my girl and my friends.
There was like 7 minutes being with Numas people, then they went off.
There was 15 minutes total of being with DV2, and though they invited me to have a drink or two, I refused. Thanks for the invite though, hope there's a next time.
Then there was like no contact with my girl the whole day. Fuck. Forgive me, miss.
So, here I am, contemplating on what will happen the next day for I will still be running around doing stuff.
And I friggin', fuckin' miss you, miss!
20080817
Now, silence
It's one of those times where in silence is golden.
Now, what's with it?
I dunno. Is it a change for me?
Or is it just because it's time to close my mouth?
Maybe.
Better try doing it better, Dean.
Now, what's with it?
I dunno. Is it a change for me?
Or is it just because it's time to close my mouth?
Maybe.
Better try doing it better, Dean.
Cloud nine. Or shall we say 8?
3 (March) + 5 (May) = 8
22 + 22 = 44 = 4 + 4 = 8
August = 8
Day 17 = 1 + 7 = 8
'08 = 8
8 (August) + 17 + 2008 = 2033 = 2 + 3 + 3 = 8
What a weird coincidence, miss!
22 + 22 = 44 = 4 + 4 = 8
August = 8
Day 17 = 1 + 7 = 8
'08 = 8
8 (August) + 17 + 2008 = 2033 = 2 + 3 + 3 = 8
What a weird coincidence, miss!
20080814
Everyday sickness.
I don't know, but everyday I feel dizzy.
Well, it ain't new, but it's getting irritating after 4 years.
For crying out loud.
This hurts.
Well, it ain't new, but it's getting irritating after 4 years.
For crying out loud.
This hurts.
20080813
Brothers and sisters
I have, what you might say, a lot of friends who are really close, and a few who I consider the closest.
Now things get me thinking, what would constitute a friend?
Text messages have these labels that they are there to help you out when in time of need.
Or that they'll be there to at least care.
Maybe that's the labeling.
But what else?
'Cause all the people I consider my closest friends rarely helped me out, or at least care.
Is it weird? I mean, they're the ones helping me improve, yet they are the ones whose life stories I have never even really asked about, and yet I babble mine with such floral words complete with three adjectives per noun.
It just made me think.
Who are these people?
UPDATE: I just realized. Friends don't help you out in times of trouble. They let you alone, but they teach you what you have to learn in life before you even get into those troubles.
It doesn't matter if you don't know them as long as you teach and share experiences. The past is theirs to keep. The future is for all of you to take heed of. The present? Getting ready for the future.
So, I'm glad that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Because these friends taught me to be more independent. Of course, you need each other, but not always.
You're getting near, Dean. Small steps.
You've been given enough freedom. Make it worth everything.
Guys, thanks for everything!
----------------------
Inspired by Thank You For Leaving Me (When I Was Down), Serj Tankian.
Now things get me thinking, what would constitute a friend?
Text messages have these labels that they are there to help you out when in time of need.
Or that they'll be there to at least care.
Maybe that's the labeling.
But what else?
'Cause all the people I consider my closest friends rarely helped me out, or at least care.
Is it weird? I mean, they're the ones helping me improve, yet they are the ones whose life stories I have never even really asked about, and yet I babble mine with such floral words complete with three adjectives per noun.
It just made me think.
Who are these people?
UPDATE: I just realized. Friends don't help you out in times of trouble. They let you alone, but they teach you what you have to learn in life before you even get into those troubles.
It doesn't matter if you don't know them as long as you teach and share experiences. The past is theirs to keep. The future is for all of you to take heed of. The present? Getting ready for the future.
So, I'm glad that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Because these friends taught me to be more independent. Of course, you need each other, but not always.
You're getting near, Dean. Small steps.
You've been given enough freedom. Make it worth everything.
Guys, thanks for everything!
----------------------
Inspired by Thank You For Leaving Me (When I Was Down), Serj Tankian.
20080812
Stupid prat.
Useless.
Worthless.
Numb.
Ass.
Fix yourself, for heaven's sake.
Fuck you goddamn.
Damn, Dean!
Foolish.
STUPID.
Worthless.
Numb.
Ass.
Fix yourself, for heaven's sake.
Fuck you goddamn.
Damn, Dean!
Foolish.
STUPID.
20080809
Let's talk definitions.
One of my entries, The war of art, talked about a side of which was confusing, as Yuggy said, I was talking about design, not art. Thanks Yugs.
What I was talking about then was that the art school I’m going in now is teaching us to design, and not at all encouraged to create a masterpiece. Although a design could be such, it’s the fact that we’re taught to create something “enough”. It’s just the context I’m moving around in, I guess.
So, here are some clarifications. Art is an expression of one’s self, something that even the word per se is. It has almost a thousand definitions going along the lines of emotions, mindsets, philosophies, plans, visions, goals, etc. There really is no proper definition of art.*
Design, on the other hand, is, just like art, everywhere. It is the so-called beautification process, wherein expression of one’s self is contained into making things appealing to everyone, highly dependent on the execution of the concept rather than the concept itself. As my friend defined it, design is made to sell.
Now that we’re more or less clear on that, I’ll get back to my point of competition.
We could see that there are thousands of people holding a "modern art medium" nowadays. It's quite visible that almost everyone will soon have a work based on multimedia, and I'm quite happy about it. What I'm not happy about is the competition.
I'm not afraid of it, but I'm not happy with it. Not for me, but for those who took up multimedia just for the hell of it. Again, I’m talking about passion and the reality behind creating for the sake of selling. It’s sad to see someone selling something he/she isn’t even willing to sell.
A friend told me (forgot who) that no one does art for art’s sake nowadays. The generalization, of course, made me angry. I guess he was also pointing out that everyone just designing to make money rather than do something they love. It’s their sad story, and for the record, people still do art for art’s sake. Have you thought about independent cinema or conceptual photography, at least? It’s their pride to create something they love and not have someone pay billions for it. Some of those in the culture would be glad, but the majority in it would rather have themselves, or their creation rather, be exposed to the public not because of fame but of the message they want to send.
Basically, my whole point is that one shouldn’t really confine himself/herself in designing as it does little or no good in improvements. Doing art for art’s sake, or whatever quotation or parable you might put in your head as mindset can make you come up with better concepts, better artworks, creating better designs.
Now, what would constitute a design? It is something that would sell, something unique and eye catching, wherein your target audience will think and, of course, being it as something more than an eye candy.
If a design is a masterpiece, something accredited more than an artwork or an advertisement shenanigan, maybe it could be considered art, the design per se. But who said that they are two entirely different entities? They may have different angle definitions, but they are highly related.
Art and design is a debatable topic, and there might be a lot of personal opinions regarding some art movements that should not be considered art. Prepare for such, and start researching on Jackson Pollock and his “expression” of art. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for abstract expressionism.
Anyway, cheers.
* .
What I was talking about then was that the art school I’m going in now is teaching us to design, and not at all encouraged to create a masterpiece. Although a design could be such, it’s the fact that we’re taught to create something “enough”. It’s just the context I’m moving around in, I guess.
So, here are some clarifications. Art is an expression of one’s self, something that even the word per se is. It has almost a thousand definitions going along the lines of emotions, mindsets, philosophies, plans, visions, goals, etc. There really is no proper definition of art.*
Design, on the other hand, is, just like art, everywhere. It is the so-called beautification process, wherein expression of one’s self is contained into making things appealing to everyone, highly dependent on the execution of the concept rather than the concept itself. As my friend defined it, design is made to sell.
Now that we’re more or less clear on that, I’ll get back to my point of competition.
We could see that there are thousands of people holding a "modern art medium" nowadays. It's quite visible that almost everyone will soon have a work based on multimedia, and I'm quite happy about it. What I'm not happy about is the competition.
I'm not afraid of it, but I'm not happy with it. Not for me, but for those who took up multimedia just for the hell of it. Again, I’m talking about passion and the reality behind creating for the sake of selling. It’s sad to see someone selling something he/she isn’t even willing to sell.
A friend told me (forgot who) that no one does art for art’s sake nowadays. The generalization, of course, made me angry. I guess he was also pointing out that everyone just designing to make money rather than do something they love. It’s their sad story, and for the record, people still do art for art’s sake. Have you thought about independent cinema or conceptual photography, at least? It’s their pride to create something they love and not have someone pay billions for it. Some of those in the culture would be glad, but the majority in it would rather have themselves, or their creation rather, be exposed to the public not because of fame but of the message they want to send.
Basically, my whole point is that one shouldn’t really confine himself/herself in designing as it does little or no good in improvements. Doing art for art’s sake, or whatever quotation or parable you might put in your head as mindset can make you come up with better concepts, better artworks, creating better designs.
Now, what would constitute a design? It is something that would sell, something unique and eye catching, wherein your target audience will think and, of course, being it as something more than an eye candy.
If a design is a masterpiece, something accredited more than an artwork or an advertisement shenanigan, maybe it could be considered art, the design per se. But who said that they are two entirely different entities? They may have different angle definitions, but they are highly related.
Art and design is a debatable topic, and there might be a lot of personal opinions regarding some art movements that should not be considered art. Prepare for such, and start researching on Jackson Pollock and his “expression” of art. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for abstract expressionism.
Anyway, cheers.
* .
20080807
Binary shiz
Finally, I learned how to read and write binary for a long time, and what's weird is I accidentally found out how to do it while reading a technical handbook regarding nonlinear editing.
So here's something:
01001101
01111001
00100000
01101110
01100001
01101101
01100101
00100000
01101001
01110011
00100000
01000100
01100101
01100001
01101110
00101110
WOOHOO!
For those Com people, patience, I have no idea what and how binary arithmetic goes. :P
So here's something:
01001101
01111001
00100000
01101110
01100001
01101101
01100101
00100000
01101001
01110011
00100000
01000100
01100101
01100001
01101110
00101110
WOOHOO!
For those Com people, patience, I have no idea what and how binary arithmetic goes. :P
Angered
So, I did my part.
And did what I can.
And sacrificed what I could.
I love what I do.
And I hate it when what I worked hard for is uncredited and ignored.
I do know that this would happen once in a while,
but sometimes, it's just fucked up.
And did what I can.
And sacrificed what I could.
I love what I do.
And I hate it when what I worked hard for is uncredited and ignored.
I do know that this would happen once in a while,
but sometimes, it's just fucked up.
20080801
Green mind
I am jealous. Of what?
A lot of things. It's that easy of me.
I am jealous of people who can already work.
I am jealous of people who are ready and free.
I am jealous of people who are calm and sane.
I am jealous of people who started their own paths.
I am jealous of people who know how to lead.
I am jealous of people who can relax and refresh.
I am jealous of people who are not spoiled and treated.
I am jealous of people who can stand up on their own feet.
I am jealous of people who can make a huge change.
I am jealous of people who can live on their own.
But all of these, I believe, comes in small steps. No matter how I see myself and be contained with what I already have, these things are for my betterment, yeah?
And right now, I feel people are jealous of people like me, who I believe had enough or too much help from everyone around him.
----------------
Another blog about independence. Now, what will you do about it, Dean?
Start.
Just start.
With what?
You move, the world won't do it for you.
Blew your first chance.
Start with another.
----------------
Miss, I already have you, so why would I be jealous on that department?
See you at 2. :)
A lot of things. It's that easy of me.
I am jealous of people who can already work.
I am jealous of people who are ready and free.
I am jealous of people who are calm and sane.
I am jealous of people who started their own paths.
I am jealous of people who know how to lead.
I am jealous of people who can relax and refresh.
I am jealous of people who are not spoiled and treated.
I am jealous of people who can stand up on their own feet.
I am jealous of people who can make a huge change.
I am jealous of people who can live on their own.
But all of these, I believe, comes in small steps. No matter how I see myself and be contained with what I already have, these things are for my betterment, yeah?
And right now, I feel people are jealous of people like me, who I believe had enough or too much help from everyone around him.
----------------
Another blog about independence. Now, what will you do about it, Dean?
Start.
Just start.
With what?
You move, the world won't do it for you.
Blew your first chance.
Start with another.
----------------
Miss, I already have you, so why would I be jealous on that department?
See you at 2. :)
What do I think of now?
Today I drank a beer... or two.
I don't know, maybe it's because I'm trying to control myself again of the anger getting out. Which was too early in the afternoon. Not a good sign.
Why was I angry, I wonder...
I'm bitched out.
Who could understand what I am talking about this time?
Hell, I can't even say what's in my mind. It's too shallow, too small of a thing to even talk about, and yet it's slowly eating out my brain.
Small things can do major damage. And it's already making my head hurt.
I guess I'll look at small pictures of things... and maybe try to analyze each. But what good will that do to me? Will I be praised for seeing it as such? No.
Of course, the creator will be the one praised. And I'm not in it for the praising.
If I do something, I'd like to get a message across, try to find a niche that can see what I mean. Or a small part of it, at least.
Another drink? My head is already on the fritz, yet again.
This is insane.
Seriously, a friend of mine was right. I am getting mad when I see people change around me so quickly.
Make me see good in the change, at least.
I hate this, still.
I don't know, maybe it's because I'm trying to control myself again of the anger getting out. Which was too early in the afternoon. Not a good sign.
Why was I angry, I wonder...
I'm bitched out.
Who could understand what I am talking about this time?
Hell, I can't even say what's in my mind. It's too shallow, too small of a thing to even talk about, and yet it's slowly eating out my brain.
Small things can do major damage. And it's already making my head hurt.
I guess I'll look at small pictures of things... and maybe try to analyze each. But what good will that do to me? Will I be praised for seeing it as such? No.
Of course, the creator will be the one praised. And I'm not in it for the praising.
If I do something, I'd like to get a message across, try to find a niche that can see what I mean. Or a small part of it, at least.
Another drink? My head is already on the fritz, yet again.
This is insane.
Seriously, a friend of mine was right. I am getting mad when I see people change around me so quickly.
Make me see good in the change, at least.
I hate this, still.
20080729
The war of art?
UPDATE: Check out Let's talk definitions.
I am a critic and someone who'd also like to be an artist, maybe in a field or two. But how do I improve when everyone disapproves?
One thing I want to believe in is to learn art because it is art, not because it will be my job someday. Thus, I entered an art school.
I know this is not the trend of today, as designs are evolving and everyone becoming an artist, but I still can't believe how some people would look at art as some tool to make money.
Yes, we design, compose, create and die to please, but then again, there would be people who would try to be more superior and see you as a lower entity. That's the life we entered, the waters in our minds in which people are oblivious about.
I mean, there are some who believe that they are already great to the point that they don’t appreciate another’s work, setting standards of their own, creating a closed mind to everything. I believe I am guilty of this, but try putting yourself in a panelist’s place when judging. And you are to criticize a student’s work.
You start to have an open mind and you become more inclined towards the student’s goal: to talk to people as if you were a client.
Now, people set standards of being strict. True enough that is how the industry goes. So, here, it is not art. You are confined to the limits of the client’s wants. And in the eyes of a panelist, they ask you to make them worthy. It would make you improve, maybe. But it would be better to express yourself first in order to create something better later on. And if you start working with clients, your creativity box will soon get smaller. To remedy this, create your own project and experiment with yourself on what you can do, not limit yourself with what you know in the past.
Well, that’s how I see it anyway. Clients will be a pain, and they have this image in mind that they want you to guess. Same goes for your fellow artists (read: competitors), they will try to know your weakness sooner or later, your techniques and your resources. One thing for a competitive artist to never give out is that.
It’s just this. “The weak are always trying to sabotage the strong.” A line from a Reese Witherspoon movie I forgot which about. True enough, those who become too conscious to focus on their improvement makes them inexpressive, less creative and clueless. And instead, they try to think high of themselves, make everyone feel inferior and criticize by the sideline.
Hell, I was like this. But thinking about it over and over makes you realize this huge, stupid mistake. You are in an art school to improve your mind, not to show off what you can do or that you can sell. You are here to ready yourself of future challenges, not the fixed trial of selling your art and design to the world.
Back to the panel, some panelists give you, “I don’t like this,” or. “This is moronic.”
They don’t know what they’re saying unless they justify. Always ask for a justification for in it lays your improvement. If none given, they are moronic themselves and it is they who should not be liked.
In real life, people would come up to you telling you things as such. A friend told me, “You’re irritating.” Of course, the quick response was a why. He answered completely in detail and with instances wherein he was irritated with me most. It made me change things, rather than first irk about what made me irritate him.
Anyway, try to be more objective, explore and create. Appreciate and criticize with justification and a suggestion on what one can do, but also point out what you like about one's art. If absolutely nothing, kindly tell him/her a better way to do it or what his/her mistake might be. Then finally say, “It’s just my opinion.”
But hey, remember to practice what you preach. And of course, I would be trying that out, too.
Cheers.
I am a critic and someone who'd also like to be an artist, maybe in a field or two. But how do I improve when everyone disapproves?
One thing I want to believe in is to learn art because it is art, not because it will be my job someday. Thus, I entered an art school.
I know this is not the trend of today, as designs are evolving and everyone becoming an artist, but I still can't believe how some people would look at art as some tool to make money.
Yes, we design, compose, create and die to please, but then again, there would be people who would try to be more superior and see you as a lower entity. That's the life we entered, the waters in our minds in which people are oblivious about.
I mean, there are some who believe that they are already great to the point that they don’t appreciate another’s work, setting standards of their own, creating a closed mind to everything. I believe I am guilty of this, but try putting yourself in a panelist’s place when judging. And you are to criticize a student’s work.
You start to have an open mind and you become more inclined towards the student’s goal: to talk to people as if you were a client.
Now, people set standards of being strict. True enough that is how the industry goes. So, here, it is not art. You are confined to the limits of the client’s wants. And in the eyes of a panelist, they ask you to make them worthy. It would make you improve, maybe. But it would be better to express yourself first in order to create something better later on. And if you start working with clients, your creativity box will soon get smaller. To remedy this, create your own project and experiment with yourself on what you can do, not limit yourself with what you know in the past.
Well, that’s how I see it anyway. Clients will be a pain, and they have this image in mind that they want you to guess. Same goes for your fellow artists (read: competitors), they will try to know your weakness sooner or later, your techniques and your resources. One thing for a competitive artist to never give out is that.
It’s just this. “The weak are always trying to sabotage the strong.” A line from a Reese Witherspoon movie I forgot which about. True enough, those who become too conscious to focus on their improvement makes them inexpressive, less creative and clueless. And instead, they try to think high of themselves, make everyone feel inferior and criticize by the sideline.
Hell, I was like this. But thinking about it over and over makes you realize this huge, stupid mistake. You are in an art school to improve your mind, not to show off what you can do or that you can sell. You are here to ready yourself of future challenges, not the fixed trial of selling your art and design to the world.
Back to the panel, some panelists give you, “I don’t like this,” or. “This is moronic.”
They don’t know what they’re saying unless they justify. Always ask for a justification for in it lays your improvement. If none given, they are moronic themselves and it is they who should not be liked.
In real life, people would come up to you telling you things as such. A friend told me, “You’re irritating.” Of course, the quick response was a why. He answered completely in detail and with instances wherein he was irritated with me most. It made me change things, rather than first irk about what made me irritate him.
Anyway, try to be more objective, explore and create. Appreciate and criticize with justification and a suggestion on what one can do, but also point out what you like about one's art. If absolutely nothing, kindly tell him/her a better way to do it or what his/her mistake might be. Then finally say, “It’s just my opinion.”
But hey, remember to practice what you preach. And of course, I would be trying that out, too.
Cheers.
20080728
How about turning the tables?
You don't know what it's like.
You don't know what it's like.
You don't know what it's like to be like me.
You don't know, so keep your mouth shut.
- You Don't Know, Reel Big Fish
------------------
Again, I move in anachronism.
Sometimes, you just start to have the guts to destroy the world when you think about everything. Don't ask me, it was from watching Dr. Horrible. It's kinda weird; his development in time is quick, yet justifiable. You can see how irrational a person can get.
It's amazing how one can also acquire this irrationality when certain situations occur. A small "happenstance", or it might be as huge as a world event. These things, if too much for a person to handle, are succumbed by irrationality.
The point of this entry is not for you guys to understand me, because you just don't know how rational I can't get. Of course, there are slips of irrationality most of the time, but what the hell; it’s human nature, yeah?
But too much rationality can make things worse. You start to put meaning into everything, you begin to analyze and sometimes, over read. It may be good for something, but never for everything. And if small things affect you, thinking about your analysis on something could make you feel like a kyphotic whiner.
So, what now?
I still don’t know. I got a lot of questions in my head, yet answers are gone. In concurrence with a high school friend, all things in the world really depend on something. And with the circumstances and thinking I just shared, it really depends on a human's environmental factor.
What to do?
I don't have a clue.
God, give me objects with blue paw prints.
You don't know what it's like.
You don't know what it's like to be like me.
You don't know, so keep your mouth shut.
- You Don't Know, Reel Big Fish
------------------
Again, I move in anachronism.
Sometimes, you just start to have the guts to destroy the world when you think about everything. Don't ask me, it was from watching Dr. Horrible. It's kinda weird; his development in time is quick, yet justifiable. You can see how irrational a person can get.
It's amazing how one can also acquire this irrationality when certain situations occur. A small "happenstance", or it might be as huge as a world event. These things, if too much for a person to handle, are succumbed by irrationality.
The point of this entry is not for you guys to understand me, because you just don't know how rational I can't get. Of course, there are slips of irrationality most of the time, but what the hell; it’s human nature, yeah?
But too much rationality can make things worse. You start to put meaning into everything, you begin to analyze and sometimes, over read. It may be good for something, but never for everything. And if small things affect you, thinking about your analysis on something could make you feel like a kyphotic whiner.
So, what now?
I still don’t know. I got a lot of questions in my head, yet answers are gone. In concurrence with a high school friend, all things in the world really depend on something. And with the circumstances and thinking I just shared, it really depends on a human's environmental factor.
What to do?
I don't have a clue.
God, give me objects with blue paw prints.
Let's recap
I've had enough of being grounded.
I've had enough on being below everyone else.
I'm tired of raising people up.
I'm tired of people stepping on me.
I'm too nice, yet I am evil, as one would say.
What now?
Simple, move away from people who shadow you.
Those who kept you far behind the credit line.
No one would listen, right?
Time to find people who would listen.
Move your ass, Dean.
I've had enough on being below everyone else.
I'm tired of raising people up.
I'm tired of people stepping on me.
I'm too nice, yet I am evil, as one would say.
What now?
Simple, move away from people who shadow you.
Those who kept you far behind the credit line.
No one would listen, right?
Time to find people who would listen.
Move your ass, Dean.
20080727
Define world
Now, a man could say that he has his own world.
True enough, one cannot really live in another man's world. Only he who owns it can handle and govern it. Given his ability to rule, to plan and to make better his world. His life.
His story.
History.
It's always in the making. Always on production, given no known schedules, it just goes on and on. And yet, no one can substitute the director of one's life. The scriptwriter, the dilemmas and decisions he writes.
Now, what's my point?
We live in a world, our world, that spins... changing seasons in time. Now, it's just a matter of adjusting yourself to the orbit. Or taking risks in creating a loop with another orbit. But what's better to think about, you are in the same galaxy, the same universe.
What's more is that you still own your own world. Whatever happens. If you fail in life, shut up! I mean, a star explodes then a new star replaces it. May take longer than the others to grow, but there is still hope for something new.
Hmm... Burning like a phoenix. Death, cremation, life.
Wow, what a lovely way to burn.
True enough, one cannot really live in another man's world. Only he who owns it can handle and govern it. Given his ability to rule, to plan and to make better his world. His life.
His story.
History.
It's always in the making. Always on production, given no known schedules, it just goes on and on. And yet, no one can substitute the director of one's life. The scriptwriter, the dilemmas and decisions he writes.
Now, what's my point?
We live in a world, our world, that spins... changing seasons in time. Now, it's just a matter of adjusting yourself to the orbit. Or taking risks in creating a loop with another orbit. But what's better to think about, you are in the same galaxy, the same universe.
What's more is that you still own your own world. Whatever happens. If you fail in life, shut up! I mean, a star explodes then a new star replaces it. May take longer than the others to grow, but there is still hope for something new.
Hmm... Burning like a phoenix. Death, cremation, life.
Wow, what a lovely way to burn.
20080724
My life will be
Talked to Roel this afternoon and talked about the life of a video editor.
Basically, I will die sooner. The unhealthiness, the lack of sleep, everyday stress, re-edits are more prone, you will still be a part of the prod, the oc-ness in editing and everything else that follows it. That's just 10% of the factors. But yet, if you take away that in my life, I would be richer, more focused, have a social life, be less random, be prepared in everything, etc.
But why not have the better life? This is called doing what you love. You can't expect yourself to move forward with what you don't like. It's a personal issue of course. But then again, if I'm gonna live my life in poverty, I should get ready by doing a job I like, too. Make the most of it, then to the path you'd like to take. Or just plain begin with it and see what happens.
Hell, I dunno.
Then Roel asked me, "If you'd have a stable life that can still have luxury, but you take away the part of being a prod team, would you like that?"
No. Hell no.
Basically, I will die sooner. The unhealthiness, the lack of sleep, everyday stress, re-edits are more prone, you will still be a part of the prod, the oc-ness in editing and everything else that follows it. That's just 10% of the factors. But yet, if you take away that in my life, I would be richer, more focused, have a social life, be less random, be prepared in everything, etc.
But why not have the better life? This is called doing what you love. You can't expect yourself to move forward with what you don't like. It's a personal issue of course. But then again, if I'm gonna live my life in poverty, I should get ready by doing a job I like, too. Make the most of it, then to the path you'd like to take. Or just plain begin with it and see what happens.
Hell, I dunno.
Then Roel asked me, "If you'd have a stable life that can still have luxury, but you take away the part of being a prod team, would you like that?"
No. Hell no.
20080723
Then out of the blue
I feel tired.
I feel worn out.
I feel stressed.
I feel wrong.
I feel used.
What's worse,
I feel abused.
Damn, and yet I smile.
I feel worn out.
I feel stressed.
I feel wrong.
I feel used.
What's worse,
I feel abused.
Damn, and yet I smile.
Fear
One thing I can never fully understand is the concept of worry. What is it, really? A lot of people would try to understand the reality of moving towards nothingness and then tell people not to fear or worry.
True enough, as one could relate to the law of attraction, one shouldn't really worry about anything. It's in trust, fear and faith. So again, it's all in a person's head.
The worries like losing a loved one, losing reputation, trust, money, etc. brings out negative thinking, yes? So... one should be as carefree as everything, yeah? So what does this give, a reason to tell people not to worry? So, deadlines and all other shit should be eradicated?
No. Worrying is something one can and can't do. Can because it makes a person cautious. It creates a limit and discipline. But then the opposite? It's just wavering trust of another, given that chance.
Oh well, all in honesty.
True enough, as one could relate to the law of attraction, one shouldn't really worry about anything. It's in trust, fear and faith. So again, it's all in a person's head.
The worries like losing a loved one, losing reputation, trust, money, etc. brings out negative thinking, yes? So... one should be as carefree as everything, yeah? So what does this give, a reason to tell people not to worry? So, deadlines and all other shit should be eradicated?
No. Worrying is something one can and can't do. Can because it makes a person cautious. It creates a limit and discipline. But then the opposite? It's just wavering trust of another, given that chance.
Oh well, all in honesty.
20080720
Talking about a revolution
Sounds like a whisper.
- Revolution, Tracy Chapman
-----------------
Now, what is a new age?
Is is forgetting the past and moving on towards something better? Or creating a new path based on what was in the past, which could possibly lead to something greater?
I basically have no idea on what to think now.
I miss my girl, I miss my friends and what I don't miss is my mind which keeps on telling me, "You will only have yourself in the end."
Fuck, screw this. My mind is playing games on me. It's not yet the end, make me happy for once! I've had enough of this bullcrap. Let me enjoy my time in being with friends, and let not anything get in my way of being happy with my girl and my friends.
I am pissed at my own head. Or is it because over-thinking is making me sick?
I bet it's the latter. Having to grow up in a house where every move is a sin could get you brain damage.
Health. Give me health.
- Revolution, Tracy Chapman
-----------------
Now, what is a new age?
Is is forgetting the past and moving on towards something better? Or creating a new path based on what was in the past, which could possibly lead to something greater?
I basically have no idea on what to think now.
I miss my girl, I miss my friends and what I don't miss is my mind which keeps on telling me, "You will only have yourself in the end."
Fuck, screw this. My mind is playing games on me. It's not yet the end, make me happy for once! I've had enough of this bullcrap. Let me enjoy my time in being with friends, and let not anything get in my way of being happy with my girl and my friends.
I am pissed at my own head. Or is it because over-thinking is making me sick?
I bet it's the latter. Having to grow up in a house where every move is a sin could get you brain damage.
Health. Give me health.
20080715
Thinking
On a shipwreck.
I remember, there was a chest full of treasures in it.
Searching for it would mean dedication to it.
That shipwreck, where is it placed?
What's in it?
Bones, swords and cannonballs.
That chest with the treasure.
Where is it?
What is it!?
I remember, there was a chest full of treasures in it.
Searching for it would mean dedication to it.
That shipwreck, where is it placed?
What's in it?
Bones, swords and cannonballs.
That chest with the treasure.
Where is it?
What is it!?
20080711
Freudan fructose
Last night, I dreamt that I was singing, and I do not know what about. Later on, I was looking for something, then I had to run, fast. Then I was running, slower, like there was less gravity for me. Then a dog barking came out of nowhere, a pug specifically. It was barking mad, but suddenly, when I was close to the dog, I started floating, looking down on the dog, and woke up at 2:00am in the morning.
Weird.
Earlier this morning, I went online just to see what my dream means.
Songs - You need to express strong emotions that you are hiding inside. If expressed, it might lead to spiritual enlightenment or happiness.
Dog barking - Someone is or will be barking orders at you rather than tell it to you in a nicer manner. Most likely, you are annoying someone already.
Running in slow motion - You are pressured in real life, most likely in school, work or in a relationship.
Floating - You will be happy and you will get what you want.
Of course, it's kind of weird to connect the dots here, for all of them are significant. Yes I am pressured. Yes, I am in an office, but I don't expect them to be barking orders. Yes, I am stressed out, but not in a relationship. But I wouldn't know if I'm annoying someone. If I am, pray tell, and let's stop this nonsense then. And yes, I believe I am happy, and will soon be happier.
Now, who am I annoying? I really believe I should stop my childishness. BUT WHEN!?
HOW!?
Change in the system is the hardest to deal with.
Dream symbols and meanings here.
Weird.
Earlier this morning, I went online just to see what my dream means.
Songs - You need to express strong emotions that you are hiding inside. If expressed, it might lead to spiritual enlightenment or happiness.
Dog barking - Someone is or will be barking orders at you rather than tell it to you in a nicer manner. Most likely, you are annoying someone already.
Running in slow motion - You are pressured in real life, most likely in school, work or in a relationship.
Floating - You will be happy and you will get what you want.
Of course, it's kind of weird to connect the dots here, for all of them are significant. Yes I am pressured. Yes, I am in an office, but I don't expect them to be barking orders. Yes, I am stressed out, but not in a relationship. But I wouldn't know if I'm annoying someone. If I am, pray tell, and let's stop this nonsense then. And yes, I believe I am happy, and will soon be happier.
Now, who am I annoying? I really believe I should stop my childishness. BUT WHEN!?
HOW!?
Change in the system is the hardest to deal with.
Dream symbols and meanings here.
And once more
I puff a smoke.
For a long time now I've stopped smoking. What now?
I can't figure out what to do, or what to think. I'm starting to become irrational again, and my head is losing proper orientation.
Maybe it's all becoming wild.
What have I learned?
When you leave your island, make sure you leave the island.
For a long time now I've stopped smoking. What now?
I can't figure out what to do, or what to think. I'm starting to become irrational again, and my head is losing proper orientation.
Maybe it's all becoming wild.
What have I learned?
When you leave your island, make sure you leave the island.
20080710
Catchlights
Remember that one thing in old films, where photographers have this little stick with a bird doll at the end? Then you hear the line, "Watch the birdie!"
I've been reading on facial analysis in photography recently and found out how catchlights are very crucial in portraiture. It makes a subject's eyes larger and will become the focus of a portrait's composition. Now, what does this have to do with birdies?
This is just a speculation, but I believe it's for the subject to follow around with their eyes, with the photographer trying to find a nice placement of the catchlight and, at the same time, have a semi-candid photograph as it creates a comical feel. But of course, depending on the portraiture mood, the usage is optional.
One could say that there is a method photographer, a person who puts the mood he/she wants to have into his medium, one is photo, through himself first, then transpose it to a subject. The photographer then will create a setup that he will be comfortable in, rather than a superimposed subtext or mood.
Now, with catchlights, one can create a gleaming mood, magical, joyful or enchanting. A composition without catchlights would suggest mischief, brooding and anti-social due to the eyes' blackness.
So basically, catchlights are really optional, but highly crucial in its use.
Damn, photography isn't just composing, lighting and clicking shutters with technicalities and what-withs. It's composing with impositions, symbolisms and allegories. With so many "amateur photographers" who own DSLR's today, or for the reason of having them for the sake of passing Concept Photography classes, make the buy worth it by studying a bit more, rather than having it for the hell of it.
Cheers.
More on catchlights, facial analysis, etc., here.
I've been reading on facial analysis in photography recently and found out how catchlights are very crucial in portraiture. It makes a subject's eyes larger and will become the focus of a portrait's composition. Now, what does this have to do with birdies?
This is just a speculation, but I believe it's for the subject to follow around with their eyes, with the photographer trying to find a nice placement of the catchlight and, at the same time, have a semi-candid photograph as it creates a comical feel. But of course, depending on the portraiture mood, the usage is optional.
One could say that there is a method photographer, a person who puts the mood he/she wants to have into his medium, one is photo, through himself first, then transpose it to a subject. The photographer then will create a setup that he will be comfortable in, rather than a superimposed subtext or mood.
Now, with catchlights, one can create a gleaming mood, magical, joyful or enchanting. A composition without catchlights would suggest mischief, brooding and anti-social due to the eyes' blackness.
So basically, catchlights are really optional, but highly crucial in its use.
Damn, photography isn't just composing, lighting and clicking shutters with technicalities and what-withs. It's composing with impositions, symbolisms and allegories. With so many "amateur photographers" who own DSLR's today, or for the reason of having them for the sake of passing Concept Photography classes, make the buy worth it by studying a bit more, rather than having it for the hell of it.
Cheers.
More on catchlights, facial analysis, etc., here.
Missing the old art of barfing
It's been a loing time since I barfed real good.
And those were alcohol days. But this time, I'm barfy for the reason of: editing.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but it fucking feels good to get work done. But, sad to say, for the doomsday people, patience, I did not do my job quick.
Anyway, this is fun. Heartburn, headache and drowsiness all over again.
Just like high school, and getting the hell better.
And since a friend said it, "It's for the love of the game."
True enough, it is.
Hey mam, sir, how may i help you? :)
-------------
Hey miss, sorry for the short while. :
I'll make it up.
And again, the 3words will never change.
Never, babe. :)
And those were alcohol days. But this time, I'm barfy for the reason of: editing.
Can't believe I'm saying this, but it fucking feels good to get work done. But, sad to say, for the doomsday people, patience, I did not do my job quick.
Anyway, this is fun. Heartburn, headache and drowsiness all over again.
Just like high school, and getting the hell better.
And since a friend said it, "It's for the love of the game."
True enough, it is.
Hey mam, sir, how may i help you? :)
-------------
Hey miss, sorry for the short while. :
I'll make it up.
And again, the 3words will never change.
Never, babe. :)
20080708
Hey
So, this is life without thinking.
This is going away from everything.
This is laughing without talking.
This is seeing without hearing.
This is hearing without seeing.
This is speaking without talking.
This is hearing without listening.
This is logic without rationality.
But what are friends without skepticism on who you are?
Friends who have no doubts?
They.
Are.
The best.
This is going away from everything.
This is laughing without talking.
This is seeing without hearing.
This is hearing without seeing.
This is speaking without talking.
This is hearing without listening.
This is logic without rationality.
But what are friends without skepticism on who you are?
Friends who have no doubts?
They.
Are.
The best.
20080707
Pieced Up
My eyes are seeing nothing but wind of calmness and anger.
Big difference, but could be joined in one sentence. It kind of frustrates me a lot to see people having to undergo harsh reality, but then again, it's something we must all learn from instead of having pity on.
Now to my reality, I am peaceful, yet I am angry.
Why?
It's an unknown. It will never go away.
Teen angst? Have it whatever you'd call it. I just call it anger.
--------------------
Miss, here I am again with my mind breakout. Forgive thee? :P
3 words. :)
Big difference, but could be joined in one sentence. It kind of frustrates me a lot to see people having to undergo harsh reality, but then again, it's something we must all learn from instead of having pity on.
Now to my reality, I am peaceful, yet I am angry.
Why?
It's an unknown. It will never go away.
Teen angst? Have it whatever you'd call it. I just call it anger.
--------------------
Miss, here I am again with my mind breakout. Forgive thee? :P
3 words. :)
20080706
Taken for granted
Magnifico.
A movie I can totally relate to. Doesn't everyone have a movie that they relate too? Then you get irritated when someone tells you that they can relate to it too, cause really, no one knows what it's like. Tell this to Michiko Yamamoto, she'll smile, but somewhere in her brain, "No, you don't know what it's like."
Here I am now trying to figure out where to go, what to do and how I am really doing. If every thing's great, details are fine, complete to the grain, to the sand, to the small things they call atoms.
I have been taking some of my friends for granted, and although I was aware of it, it kinda sucked to later on have the feeling that you wanted to be with them, but time is fucking up and then you feel like you're in "The Sims".
You have to keep all the friends up to the 100 level, even when you hang out with them and say something wrong, minus signs will flash above their heads. It's frustrating how that works, and whoever conceptualized the basis of The Sims, damn you, I praise you.
So, I wanna let everyone know, patience if I do not choose my words, my actions or even manage my time right, but for now, please forgive.
And forget.
And...
I'm thinking, if I die, I can see that the meters won't all have 100 or even above 90, but I wanna die seeing that I have a lot of meters to look at. Then again, if any of my friends were to die, I'd make sure that I'd have them by 100 first.
So, damn, hope y'all would understand what I'm thinking of and give me a slack in making every meter a 100, although it's impossible to have all, at least an 85.
What a weird way to put things, no?
A movie I can totally relate to. Doesn't everyone have a movie that they relate too? Then you get irritated when someone tells you that they can relate to it too, cause really, no one knows what it's like. Tell this to Michiko Yamamoto, she'll smile, but somewhere in her brain, "No, you don't know what it's like."
Here I am now trying to figure out where to go, what to do and how I am really doing. If every thing's great, details are fine, complete to the grain, to the sand, to the small things they call atoms.
I have been taking some of my friends for granted, and although I was aware of it, it kinda sucked to later on have the feeling that you wanted to be with them, but time is fucking up and then you feel like you're in "The Sims".
You have to keep all the friends up to the 100 level, even when you hang out with them and say something wrong, minus signs will flash above their heads. It's frustrating how that works, and whoever conceptualized the basis of The Sims, damn you, I praise you.
So, I wanna let everyone know, patience if I do not choose my words, my actions or even manage my time right, but for now, please forgive.
And forget.
And...
I'm thinking, if I die, I can see that the meters won't all have 100 or even above 90, but I wanna die seeing that I have a lot of meters to look at. Then again, if any of my friends were to die, I'd make sure that I'd have them by 100 first.
So, damn, hope y'all would understand what I'm thinking of and give me a slack in making every meter a 100, although it's impossible to have all, at least an 85.
What a weird way to put things, no?
Making things right
Now how do you see yourself in a year or so?
How 'bout an hour, or in a jiffy? Do they make differences?
Now think about this. What do you see yourself as when you grow up with a million things in your mind and have never resolved one to even begin with? Doesn't it make you feel irritable, anxious and insane?
And while you see differences in those small nanospecks, do the things in your head make you feel the same? Or different at least?
Now tell me this.
What should one think about when the differences are too big to even handle?
How should one be ready?
I wonder.
My answer is to create new paths, run parallel to the new changes, reciprocate them. Make better things in order for them to be better, complimenting, rather than attacking.
Is it not better?
How 'bout an hour, or in a jiffy? Do they make differences?
Now think about this. What do you see yourself as when you grow up with a million things in your mind and have never resolved one to even begin with? Doesn't it make you feel irritable, anxious and insane?
And while you see differences in those small nanospecks, do the things in your head make you feel the same? Or different at least?
Now tell me this.
What should one think about when the differences are too big to even handle?
How should one be ready?
I wonder.
My answer is to create new paths, run parallel to the new changes, reciprocate them. Make better things in order for them to be better, complimenting, rather than attacking.
Is it not better?
20080704
I think I'll grab myself a beer.
I am fucking pissed and I don't know why.
What now? What do you think you should be thinking? Something about you and what's inside you?
Now how about this, tell me which you would listen to in a state of irrationality.
A philosophy in which you can give an input, have a moment to think on and maybe reflect and consider, or...
A story in which a person tells you someone got over it, it's just a phase, everyone went through that, this and that, this and that, in other words saying, "just get over it".
I really have no idea on what to think today, for I am fucking pissed.
Analyzing yourself over and over again makes you seem stupid, immature, selfish and bratty. Does it make you less of a person to try to change a bit of yourself?
Hey, no one and everyone is special in this world. It's just about timing. On what a man reacts to on what a man speaks of.
I am fucking pissed. And I have no reason whatsoever why.
Damn mind's on the fritz again. A screwdriver in the head to fix it? Some people would be happy for me doing so.
I am THAT irritating.
What now? What do you think you should be thinking? Something about you and what's inside you?
Now how about this, tell me which you would listen to in a state of irrationality.
A philosophy in which you can give an input, have a moment to think on and maybe reflect and consider, or...
A story in which a person tells you someone got over it, it's just a phase, everyone went through that, this and that, this and that, in other words saying, "just get over it".
I really have no idea on what to think today, for I am fucking pissed.
Analyzing yourself over and over again makes you seem stupid, immature, selfish and bratty. Does it make you less of a person to try to change a bit of yourself?
Hey, no one and everyone is special in this world. It's just about timing. On what a man reacts to on what a man speaks of.
I am fucking pissed. And I have no reason whatsoever why.
Damn mind's on the fritz again. A screwdriver in the head to fix it? Some people would be happy for me doing so.
I am THAT irritating.
20080702
Thought-provoking
Everyone's not honest.
It's hard to let thoughts out.
Subconsciously they slip.
Which, by the way, makes me happier.
Why was I made stupid.
Why was I made like such.
It don't matter to me,
since no one would ever listen.
Ho, hum.
What joy.
Time to move towards nothingness.
It's hard to let thoughts out.
Subconsciously they slip.
Which, by the way, makes me happier.
Why was I made stupid.
Why was I made like such.
It don't matter to me,
since no one would ever listen.
Ho, hum.
What joy.
Time to move towards nothingness.
20080630
What sense
Is there to talk to people who think they make sense, yet there is none?
It is a simple apple pie slice to say that you could be a friend who'd always be there. But then, there are some things that makes you think if they really believe in what they say and if they really stick to their words.
Now, I know I am supposed to be the happy go lucky asshole who does not care about anything but me, my girl, my work and my proper alcohol intake. But then, these external factors of friends suddenly come popping out of nowhere for certain events keep coming up. And I mean everywhere.
This is not damning, nor frustrating. It does not make me happy, nor sad, nor angry. It just makes me think about certain philosophies and ways in which they live, and that it's hard for you to know things in which you need to keep to yourself sometimes when they do things.
When you have a common knowledge with someone about a something, you just look at each other, nod and agree on it. Sometimes, laugh about it.
Now, going back to my original point after this drifting moment, I want things to be clear if a person really cares or no, cause a person sometimes knows how to act, and there are those who are straightforward. I am a straightforward guy, but with small hints of acting.
But I am an honest person, and strangely, a loud thinker.
Now I'm thinking while I'm writing this down, "Is this a testimonial to myself in telling people I am honest?"
Talking to myself, I'd say, "Come on. No one is honest. They would be honest when they choose to, but there is no honest person."
So now I am caught between two heads, and a drifting topic of contexts.
I am just so bored.
It is a simple apple pie slice to say that you could be a friend who'd always be there. But then, there are some things that makes you think if they really believe in what they say and if they really stick to their words.
Now, I know I am supposed to be the happy go lucky asshole who does not care about anything but me, my girl, my work and my proper alcohol intake. But then, these external factors of friends suddenly come popping out of nowhere for certain events keep coming up. And I mean everywhere.
This is not damning, nor frustrating. It does not make me happy, nor sad, nor angry. It just makes me think about certain philosophies and ways in which they live, and that it's hard for you to know things in which you need to keep to yourself sometimes when they do things.
When you have a common knowledge with someone about a something, you just look at each other, nod and agree on it. Sometimes, laugh about it.
Now, going back to my original point after this drifting moment, I want things to be clear if a person really cares or no, cause a person sometimes knows how to act, and there are those who are straightforward. I am a straightforward guy, but with small hints of acting.
But I am an honest person, and strangely, a loud thinker.
Now I'm thinking while I'm writing this down, "Is this a testimonial to myself in telling people I am honest?"
Talking to myself, I'd say, "Come on. No one is honest. They would be honest when they choose to, but there is no honest person."
So now I am caught between two heads, and a drifting topic of contexts.
I am just so bored.
20080629
Moving forward or moving noward?
I am stating nonsense for it gives me a great deal in laughing.
My mom and I were having a chat on the way to the hotel after my aunt's wedding. We were talking about friendship and how it should be.
She said that she gains friends by doing them small favors not expecting anything in return. True enough, I do see these in her actions. Humility and shit goes a long way.
Same with my dad, who just does his job and does small favors in the airport. And what news! He got a PSP.
But then, when a person tells you this, at first you'd be interested in not thinking about it, which makes you think about it, then on, you think about the reward, but trying hard to think about not thinking about the reward. It's an awkward yet irritating feeling.
So, here I was, trying hard not to think of a possible honorarium for the work I did for free, which I've been dying to finish for 2 weeks. Then damn, after everything, I saw the smiles on their faces, the people I've worked for. I had that enough reward, I guess.
Later on, my aunt told me, "How much do I give you for the AVP?"
Damn, I wanted to walk out. I did not want to be given anything, and it surprised me since I was already happy with simple things.
Since it was a bad thing to turn down an offer, I said that they give me anything they think would be ample.
Shites, now I feel ashamed.
"Don't expect anything in return if you do them a favor." The teaching and the thing they brought me up with.
I guess I get it now, a bit. But hey, sometimes, business is business.
Oh, and finally, I will rock the world, soon. Moving noward with small favors? On the contrary, it's moving forward, but not alone. :)
------------
Hey miss, I'm still damn missing you.
Take better days. :)
3 words.
My mom and I were having a chat on the way to the hotel after my aunt's wedding. We were talking about friendship and how it should be.
She said that she gains friends by doing them small favors not expecting anything in return. True enough, I do see these in her actions. Humility and shit goes a long way.
Same with my dad, who just does his job and does small favors in the airport. And what news! He got a PSP.
But then, when a person tells you this, at first you'd be interested in not thinking about it, which makes you think about it, then on, you think about the reward, but trying hard to think about not thinking about the reward. It's an awkward yet irritating feeling.
So, here I was, trying hard not to think of a possible honorarium for the work I did for free, which I've been dying to finish for 2 weeks. Then damn, after everything, I saw the smiles on their faces, the people I've worked for. I had that enough reward, I guess.
Later on, my aunt told me, "How much do I give you for the AVP?"
Damn, I wanted to walk out. I did not want to be given anything, and it surprised me since I was already happy with simple things.
Since it was a bad thing to turn down an offer, I said that they give me anything they think would be ample.
Shites, now I feel ashamed.
"Don't expect anything in return if you do them a favor." The teaching and the thing they brought me up with.
I guess I get it now, a bit. But hey, sometimes, business is business.
Oh, and finally, I will rock the world, soon. Moving noward with small favors? On the contrary, it's moving forward, but not alone. :)
------------
Hey miss, I'm still damn missing you.
Take better days. :)
3 words.
20080627
Irking
Everything is becoming irking and unhappy.
Small details of undeniable truth, hinting more and more as it progresses through time the differences of the past and the future.
Now everything is irking, as nothing is resolved by anger, it inevitably exists. This world is full of music, and maybe someday, the world will listen to it.
No, not the music you put in those small rectangular shaped things or whatever shape they might be in, for they are music that blinds and deafens the soul. One track minds, they might say.
That music comes from deep within the Earth, so long forgotten.
There before, nothing was irking. It was complete and distinct, yet cherished and has a diminishing factor that it is fragrant, not foul.
It is silence.
Silence.
But then, I can never make that music, for I think loudly, delving into pits of my idiosyncrasies, I believe that it is in speaking that we can be heard.
Still wrong.
It is in that sweet music that erupts every now and then, a certain time when we say, "Hey, an angel just passed by," or, "Wow, a heavenly tune!"
I can never play music such as John Cage's '4'33', though I can try. But the title shall be changed to '1'00'.
Listen.
To that sweet melodic tune.
Silence.
For 4'33.
Small details of undeniable truth, hinting more and more as it progresses through time the differences of the past and the future.
Now everything is irking, as nothing is resolved by anger, it inevitably exists. This world is full of music, and maybe someday, the world will listen to it.
No, not the music you put in those small rectangular shaped things or whatever shape they might be in, for they are music that blinds and deafens the soul. One track minds, they might say.
That music comes from deep within the Earth, so long forgotten.
There before, nothing was irking. It was complete and distinct, yet cherished and has a diminishing factor that it is fragrant, not foul.
It is silence.
Silence.
But then, I can never make that music, for I think loudly, delving into pits of my idiosyncrasies, I believe that it is in speaking that we can be heard.
Still wrong.
It is in that sweet music that erupts every now and then, a certain time when we say, "Hey, an angel just passed by," or, "Wow, a heavenly tune!"
I can never play music such as John Cage's '4'33', though I can try. But the title shall be changed to '1'00'.
Listen.
To that sweet melodic tune.
Silence.
For 4'33.
20080626
A doomsday dabbed with disco balls
The Daedalus in Dean, what does it deceptively dictate?
That diving deep deposes drive and that distance donned in altitude diminishes the discreet descent of the dreamer in his drive.
Dealing and divulging in drugs and drug-like doorways may the doorkeepers deem dense and dumb, for it does nada and dross.
With this deliberation and deduction of delinquencies, by default, the Daedalus in Dean declares that there deep down in the deepest depths of Dean is, depressingly, a delineative 'douche bag' donned with dirt and damned dimensions of dumb depositions.
This is derogatory to the identity of Dean, for there deducted in this dirt bag, the Daedalus. Underlying does the Icarus demand advance in altitude.
A dilemma.
Thus, a Daedalus in Dean.
That diving deep deposes drive and that distance donned in altitude diminishes the discreet descent of the dreamer in his drive.
Dealing and divulging in drugs and drug-like doorways may the doorkeepers deem dense and dumb, for it does nada and dross.
With this deliberation and deduction of delinquencies, by default, the Daedalus in Dean declares that there deep down in the deepest depths of Dean is, depressingly, a delineative 'douche bag' donned with dirt and damned dimensions of dumb depositions.
This is derogatory to the identity of Dean, for there deducted in this dirt bag, the Daedalus. Underlying does the Icarus demand advance in altitude.
A dilemma.
Thus, a Daedalus in Dean.
20080625
But then...
No matter how many things you have in your head as mindsets, and no matter how many times you've built them over with cement and epoxy clay, your mind still tends to collapse... fail.
This is shitty, having the feeling of silently hurting someone, when usually I'm the sadistic one. Is this a change?
Or is this just something completely moronic of me to think?
I believe it's the latter.
Irrationality, what else can you do with it?
This is shitty, having the feeling of silently hurting someone, when usually I'm the sadistic one. Is this a change?
Or is this just something completely moronic of me to think?
I believe it's the latter.
Irrationality, what else can you do with it?
On bratiness
I know I should be happy with what I have, but sometimes I wonder if I should give everything up and start from scratch with a stable job and a happy life with a someone.
But I'm feeling spoiled. And I feel like I'm working for something, yet get something what I want in a snap. Yeah, I'm lucky, but I don't want to have this prince-like treatment.
She told me I should be happy and be happy being spoiled. It's not all that bad. True enough, but I'm still afraid of what I'd be in the future.
Taking things for granted, procrastinating, stuff.
Yet she said that I should think of the now.
Yeah, that made me silent.
Silent enough to think that, hey, in the future no one will spoil me. So I'll be happy with what I have.
Resolved the problem? Not yet, still have to eliminate this feeling in my head and start concentrating on my work and my life.
And her, who made me happy again today.
Miss you. 3 words. :)
But I'm feeling spoiled. And I feel like I'm working for something, yet get something what I want in a snap. Yeah, I'm lucky, but I don't want to have this prince-like treatment.
She told me I should be happy and be happy being spoiled. It's not all that bad. True enough, but I'm still afraid of what I'd be in the future.
Taking things for granted, procrastinating, stuff.
Yet she said that I should think of the now.
Yeah, that made me silent.
Silent enough to think that, hey, in the future no one will spoil me. So I'll be happy with what I have.
Resolved the problem? Not yet, still have to eliminate this feeling in my head and start concentrating on my work and my life.
And her, who made me happy again today.
Miss you. 3 words. :)
20080622
Inside my head at 4:59am
I'm thinking of life and I'm thinking about her.
And thinking about how else I'd spend my time today.
I'd be finishing up sounds and photos.
And reminding myself of another person's past.
I'm thinking of life and I'm thinking about love.
And what it ever made me think about or do.
I'd be looking in a mirror and see a man alive.
And now I'm going crazy about what to say and think.
I'm thinking of life and I'm thinking about my friends.
And how each of them make me happy and how each of them tells a joke.
They are unique and they have blessed me, for I have something to learn from each.
And now I'm thanking them silently by laughing at what they jest.
I'm thinking about life and I'm thinking about death.
And how it helped me move across these plains of green and gravel.
Though it is a given that no one should think about death till one is old.
It's just a small tribute to the deaths before that made me who I am now.
And thinking about how else I'd spend my time today.
I'd be finishing up sounds and photos.
And reminding myself of another person's past.
I'm thinking of life and I'm thinking about love.
And what it ever made me think about or do.
I'd be looking in a mirror and see a man alive.
And now I'm going crazy about what to say and think.
I'm thinking of life and I'm thinking about my friends.
And how each of them make me happy and how each of them tells a joke.
They are unique and they have blessed me, for I have something to learn from each.
And now I'm thanking them silently by laughing at what they jest.
I'm thinking about life and I'm thinking about death.
And how it helped me move across these plains of green and gravel.
Though it is a given that no one should think about death till one is old.
It's just a small tribute to the deaths before that made me who I am now.
20080620
Something to make me talk
What interests me, I wonder.
I talk about a lot of stuff, like making fun of everything and anything under the sun. But truth to be told, I got nothing.
It's like creating a whole different wavelength from two hundred sides of a coin.
Today I learned something.
Everyone makes sense, no matter how senseless it may be.
Simple, do not be superficial.
Look beyond.
Already know this?
Then why not do it?
For today I learned something.
Sacrifice everything, including your own dignity and pride, to gain a friend's trust.
Not exactly respect, but it will come afterwards.
-------------
Drifting?
It's because I can.
I talk about a lot of stuff, like making fun of everything and anything under the sun. But truth to be told, I got nothing.
It's like creating a whole different wavelength from two hundred sides of a coin.
Today I learned something.
Everyone makes sense, no matter how senseless it may be.
Simple, do not be superficial.
Look beyond.
Already know this?
Then why not do it?
For today I learned something.
Sacrifice everything, including your own dignity and pride, to gain a friend's trust.
Not exactly respect, but it will come afterwards.
-------------
Drifting?
It's because I can.
20080618
How 'bout getting comfortable?
I'm... eccentric.
In human terms, I'm weird.
I get that. A lot.
Why? It's cause I'm comfortable being with friends.
Friends I truly trust and care about.
Those who are not ashamed to be with me.
Damn.
But either way, they got one thing going up their minds.
And I can never change that.
What now?
I don't know.
They tell me I should be myself.
Usually, that's how I am.
Thought I'd make people smile just a bit when I do things.
Sadly, they just think I'm a lunatic.
A maniac.
So, is it time for me to be silent and be someone I'm not?
Yeah, silence is golden, but so is randomness.
I should stop acting weird and be something of the norm?
I just can't do that.
I wish I could, that's a huge point for the people of the world.
So sue me.
Your loss.
And what will be your reason?
That you got irritated?
Ha!
I've got a lot more dirt on you than you have on me.
One of the tricks I've learned in life.
"Make them believe you."
In human terms, I'm weird.
I get that. A lot.
Why? It's cause I'm comfortable being with friends.
Friends I truly trust and care about.
Those who are not ashamed to be with me.
Damn.
But either way, they got one thing going up their minds.
And I can never change that.
What now?
I don't know.
They tell me I should be myself.
Usually, that's how I am.
Thought I'd make people smile just a bit when I do things.
Sadly, they just think I'm a lunatic.
A maniac.
So, is it time for me to be silent and be someone I'm not?
Yeah, silence is golden, but so is randomness.
I should stop acting weird and be something of the norm?
I just can't do that.
I wish I could, that's a huge point for the people of the world.
So sue me.
Your loss.
And what will be your reason?
That you got irritated?
Ha!
I've got a lot more dirt on you than you have on me.
One of the tricks I've learned in life.
"Make them believe you."
20080616
A different take on a four letter word
Which I thought I'd never be interested in, having a motto, "Singles Rule!"
But then, a certain someone came and boom.
Cheeziness list comes:
A drug
Fireworks
Sparks
Forever
Night sky
Star
Sunlight
Water
Whatever one might say, name or speak of it, it defines what this tingly feeling inside is.
And fuck, it feels good.
Missing you. :)
But then, a certain someone came and boom.
Cheeziness list comes:
A drug
Fireworks
Sparks
Forever
Night sky
Star
Sunlight
Water
Whatever one might say, name or speak of it, it defines what this tingly feeling inside is.
And fuck, it feels good.
Missing you. :)
styx and storms
love
20080613
Skinning, shimmering, spending
In today's world, we are stuck in a base where we live for money, worse, die for it. It has eradicated the "love conquers all" saying.
In other words, we are all in the brink of killing for money. Admit it or not, there's a something of such in our train of thought. Though you might be the most generous species that lived on this planet, you'll, sooner or later, look for an exit in saying, "Dammit, I need money."
That becomes our drive at times. Usually, it's for the family, they say. Of course, we think about that, too. And sometimes, create a thought that you hate it. We are all selfish, in one way or another. I'm not trying to superimpose anything, it's just that we are humans. We have that small factor in us.
Basically, I'm trying to point out what small factors humans have in common, even a tiny squint of it, or an angle of it. Depends on a perspective and rationality level.
It might be something of oddness, but I'm feeling stupid today.
And extremely brown.
In other words, we are all in the brink of killing for money. Admit it or not, there's a something of such in our train of thought. Though you might be the most generous species that lived on this planet, you'll, sooner or later, look for an exit in saying, "Dammit, I need money."
That becomes our drive at times. Usually, it's for the family, they say. Of course, we think about that, too. And sometimes, create a thought that you hate it. We are all selfish, in one way or another. I'm not trying to superimpose anything, it's just that we are humans. We have that small factor in us.
Basically, I'm trying to point out what small factors humans have in common, even a tiny squint of it, or an angle of it. Depends on a perspective and rationality level.
It might be something of oddness, but I'm feeling stupid today.
And extremely brown.
20080612
Turd pile
Now here I blog of thoughts and stupidity. It comes from my mind, directly to my fingertips and it just moves on its own, carefully hovering over the letters in which it wants to press. It creates a word, shifting to phrases, sentences, paragraphs, then equates an idea. After that, new things come into my head.
What I want to pour out of my head now is the anger in my head.
But which words would my fingertips try to create, just to emulate the same anger in my head?
Words, control? What do I gain in that? Relax, focus? Then I just added another turd pile in my head.
But then what is in my head?
People? Places? Things? Work? Life? That's what's in my head?
I'll stop it.
My head, it's already bleeding of tricks, of games, of tools, maybe someday, of blood. Cause everyday, everything I think of hurts what's in my head.
Hurts what's in my head.
Hurts. What's. In. My. Head.
What I want to pour out of my head now is the anger in my head.
But which words would my fingertips try to create, just to emulate the same anger in my head?
Words, control? What do I gain in that? Relax, focus? Then I just added another turd pile in my head.
But then what is in my head?
People? Places? Things? Work? Life? That's what's in my head?
I'll stop it.
My head, it's already bleeding of tricks, of games, of tools, maybe someday, of blood. Cause everyday, everything I think of hurts what's in my head.
Hurts what's in my head.
Hurts. What's. In. My. Head.
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