Modern failures

Failing in your favorite subjects in school is one thing I am pretty damn right good at.

I really don't know why this happens, but every time I get into my favorite subjects, I tend to fail them. The reason? I'm still looking for it.

I mean, I do know I'm wrong in that sense, and I can't really say I'm neglecting them since I try to help out others first about the subject, but I don't help myself out. So that's what happened, I let others go first before me. I guess I'm too much of a nice guy. So should I change it?

As they said, nice guys finish last.

And voila, the nice guy drops another subject.

At least I get to be more focused next term because of things that will happen. Murphy's law all over again, eh? What's bound to happen will happen. What can go wrong will go wrong.

Why not try out Machiavelli's Principle instead? I don't know, maybe it's because I want to try out the things I want to try out rather than look for replacements or whatever alternative means there is that can be justified by the end.

Can't really say, even when I'm the one who observes my mind, I believe it works in weird ways.

The day of the dailies

Today was fun, yet it was incomplete.

Though I did have a great time being in Dave's shoot, (thanks bro!), I couldn't think of anything else but my girl and my friends.

There was like 7 minutes being with Numas people, then they went off.

There was 15 minutes total of being with DV2, and though they invited me to have a drink or two, I refused. Thanks for the invite though, hope there's a next time.

Then there was like no contact with my girl the whole day. Fuck. Forgive me, miss.

So, here I am, contemplating on what will happen the next day for I will still be running around doing stuff.

And I friggin', fuckin' miss you, miss!

Now, silence

It's one of those times where in silence is golden.

Now, what's with it?

I dunno. Is it a change for me?

Or is it just because it's time to close my mouth?

Maybe.

Better try doing it better, Dean.

Cloud nine. Or shall we say 8?

3 (March) + 5 (May) = 8
22 + 22 = 44 = 4 + 4 = 8
August = 8
Day 17 = 1 + 7 = 8
'08 = 8

8 (August) + 17 + 2008 = 2033 = 2 + 3 + 3 = 8

What a weird coincidence, miss!

Everyday sickness.

I don't know, but everyday I feel dizzy.

Well, it ain't new, but it's getting irritating after 4 years.

For crying out loud.

This hurts.

Brothers and sisters

I have, what you might say, a lot of friends who are really close, and a few who I consider the closest.

Now things get me thinking, what would constitute a friend?

Text messages have these labels that they are there to help you out when in time of need.

Or that they'll be there to at least care.

Maybe that's the labeling.

But what else?

'Cause all the people I consider my closest friends rarely helped me out, or at least care.

Is it weird? I mean, they're the ones helping me improve, yet they are the ones whose life stories I have never even really asked about, and yet I babble mine with such floral words complete with three adjectives per noun.

It just made me think.

Who are these people?

UPDATE: I just realized. Friends don't help you out in times of trouble. They let you alone, but they teach you what you have to learn in life before you even get into those troubles.

It doesn't matter if you don't know them as long as you teach and share experiences. The past is theirs to keep. The future is for all of you to take heed of. The present? Getting ready for the future.

So, I'm glad that my friends left me when I needed them the most. Because these friends taught me to be more independent. Of course, you need each other, but not always.

You're getting near, Dean. Small steps.

You've been given enough freedom. Make it worth everything.

Guys, thanks for everything!

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Inspired by Thank You For Leaving Me (When I Was Down), Serj Tankian.

Stupid prat.

Useless.

Worthless.

Numb.

Ass.

Fix yourself, for heaven's sake.

Fuck you goddamn.

Damn, Dean!

Foolish.

STUPID.

Let's talk definitions.

One of my entries, The war of art, talked about a side of which was confusing, as Yuggy said, I was talking about design, not art. Thanks Yugs.

What I was talking about then was that the art school I’m going in now is teaching us to design, and not at all encouraged to create a masterpiece. Although a design could be such, it’s the fact that we’re taught to create something “enough”. It’s just the context I’m moving around in, I guess.

So, here are some clarifications. Art is an expression of one’s self, something that even the word per se is. It has almost a thousand definitions going along the lines of emotions, mindsets, philosophies, plans, visions, goals, etc. There really is no proper definition of art.*

Design, on the other hand, is, just like art, everywhere. It is the so-called beautification process, wherein expression of one’s self is contained into making things appealing to everyone, highly dependent on the execution of the concept rather than the concept itself. As my friend defined it, design is made to sell.

Now that we’re more or less clear on that, I’ll get back to my point of competition.

We could see that there are thousands of people holding a "modern art medium" nowadays. It's quite visible that almost everyone will soon have a work based on multimedia, and I'm quite happy about it. What I'm not happy about is the competition.

I'm not afraid of it, but I'm not happy with it. Not for me, but for those who took up multimedia just for the hell of it. Again, I’m talking about passion and the reality behind creating for the sake of selling. It’s sad to see someone selling something he/she isn’t even willing to sell.

A friend told me (forgot who) that no one does art for art’s sake nowadays. The generalization, of course, made me angry. I guess he was also pointing out that everyone just designing to make money rather than do something they love. It’s their sad story, and for the record, people still do art for art’s sake. Have you thought about independent cinema or conceptual photography, at least? It’s their pride to create something they love and not have someone pay billions for it. Some of those in the culture would be glad, but the majority in it would rather have themselves, or their creation rather, be exposed to the public not because of fame but of the message they want to send.

Basically, my whole point is that one shouldn’t really confine himself/herself in designing as it does little or no good in improvements. Doing art for art’s sake, or whatever quotation or parable you might put in your head as mindset can make you come up with better concepts, better artworks, creating better designs.

Now, what would constitute a design? It is something that would sell, something unique and eye catching, wherein your target audience will think and, of course, being it as something more than an eye candy.

If a design is a masterpiece, something accredited more than an artwork or an advertisement shenanigan, maybe it could be considered art, the design per se. But who said that they are two entirely different entities? They may have different angle definitions, but they are highly related.

Art and design is a debatable topic, and there might be a lot of personal opinions regarding some art movements that should not be considered art. Prepare for such, and start researching on Jackson Pollock and his “expression” of art. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for abstract expressionism.

Anyway, cheers.
* .

Binary shiz

Finally, I learned how to read and write binary for a long time, and what's weird is I accidentally found out how to do it while reading a technical handbook regarding nonlinear editing.

So here's something:

01001101
01111001
00100000
01101110
01100001
01101101
01100101
00100000
01101001
01110011
00100000
01000100
01100101
01100001
01101110
00101110

WOOHOO!

For those Com people, patience, I have no idea what and how binary arithmetic goes. :P

Angered

So, I did my part.

And did what I can.

And sacrificed what I could.

I love what I do.

And I hate it when what I worked hard for is uncredited and ignored.

I do know that this would happen once in a while,

but sometimes, it's just fucked up.

Green mind

I am jealous. Of what?

A lot of things. It's that easy of me.

I am jealous of people who can already work.
I am jealous of people who are ready and free.
I am jealous of people who are calm and sane.
I am jealous of people who started their own paths.
I am jealous of people who know how to lead.
I am jealous of people who can relax and refresh.
I am jealous of people who are not spoiled and treated.
I am jealous of people who can stand up on their own feet.
I am jealous of people who can make a huge change.
I am jealous of people who can live on their own.

But all of these, I believe, comes in small steps. No matter how I see myself and be contained with what I already have, these things are for my betterment, yeah?

And right now, I feel people are jealous of people like me, who I believe had enough or too much help from everyone around him.

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Another blog about independence. Now, what will you do about it, Dean?

Start.

Just start.

With what?

You move, the world won't do it for you.

Blew your first chance.

Start with another.

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Miss, I already have you, so why would I be jealous on that department?

See you at 2. :)

What do I think of now?

Today I drank a beer... or two.

I don't know, maybe it's because I'm trying to control myself again of the anger getting out. Which was too early in the afternoon. Not a good sign.

Why was I angry, I wonder...

I'm bitched out.

Who could understand what I am talking about this time?

Hell, I can't even say what's in my mind. It's too shallow, too small of a thing to even talk about, and yet it's slowly eating out my brain.

Small things can do major damage. And it's already making my head hurt.

I guess I'll look at small pictures of things... and maybe try to analyze each. But what good will that do to me? Will I be praised for seeing it as such? No.

Of course, the creator will be the one praised. And I'm not in it for the praising.

If I do something, I'd like to get a message across, try to find a niche that can see what I mean. Or a small part of it, at least.

Another drink? My head is already on the fritz, yet again.

This is insane.

Seriously, a friend of mine was right. I am getting mad when I see people change around me so quickly.

Make me see good in the change, at least.

I hate this, still.